“What did you do?” she yells at me as he gets up to his feet.
“I’m gonna teach you a lesson …” He comes for me, and I grab the lamp off my nightstand and throw it, hitting him right in the face.
My mom cries out as he hits the floor once again. “Get the fuck out and don’t come back!” she screams at me.
I grab my purse and phone, and jump out my window before it’s too late for me to get away.
That was the day before they shipped me off to Oregon. That was the most aggressive he had ever gotten with me. I’m not sure how far he would have taken it, but I didn’t wait to see.
I went out and partied all night. It wasn’t hard to do since it was New Year’s Eve. I went to a party, got wasted and smoked some weed. Then went home long enough the next afternoon to pack a couple of bags and take a cab to the airport. My mother didn’t tell me bye, and she didn’t call. Not until days later when she wanted to know if I had seen my father and could send her money.
They’ve been on my mind a lot since I walked out of the clubhouse last night. My conversation with Cole keeps playing in my mind, and it’s driving me nuts. I can’t understand for the life of me why he cares. Why he pretends. Why can’t we just decide we hate one another but wanna fuck and leave it at that? I hate that he had Deke record us that first night, but I can’t be mad for what he said. Everyone there knew what we were doing in that bathroom. And of course, I’ve done it multiple times with him since then. And let’s not forget the fact that he touches me while at school. I kiss him. Fuck, the other day I moaned while in the hallway between classes. He hasn’t forced me to do anything when it comes to sex. I’ve done all that on my own.
He’s such a mystery. And that’s what draws me to him.
To be honest, I’m comfortable with the violence. I’ve seen it all my life. My mother has dated her boyfriend for over fifteen years, but they never got married. It’s all him. She would have done it in a heartbeat. He didn’t wanna be tied to someone who had a kid. Another reason I think she always tried to get rid of me.
In a way, Cole is like me. We both do what it takes to survive. We’re just fighting two completely different battles.
But Cole has taught me that I can turn that pain into power. That I have the ability to stick up for myself. Even if I fail every time I go up against him, he has a strange way of encouraging me. This is just another level of hell, and I feel like I’m doing better at it.
I lean my head back, soaking up the sun. Today is the first day of my three-day suspension, and I chose to do nothing but hang out in the pool. Celeste had a date with some girlfriends and asked me to join her, but I declined, wanting to spend it alone. Even though it is a cloudy day. It’s Oregon, after all, and we’re right on the ocean. Gloomy seems to be the norm. But I like it.
I’ve got a black bikini on that has silver hoops connecting the sides on the bottoms and straps for the top. It’s gonna give me terrible tan lines, but I’m not really concerned ’cause I don’t think I’ll get much with the clouds. Plus, I’m already pretty tan.
I hear the back door open, and I sigh. “Did you bring me leftovers?” I ask Celeste as I place my hand down and run it through the water, turning around.
“I skipped lunch.”
“Cole?” I ask when I see him standing by the pool. Wearing a pair of jeans and white t-shirt, he has his hands in his front pockets. “What are you doing here?” I ask, my eyes darting to the door to see if he came alone.
He walks over to the lounge chair and sits down. He bows his head and runs his hand through his dark hair. “Everything okay?” I ask, not expecting an answer.
He looks up at me. “I can’t … I can’t get you out of my mind,” he admits softly.
“What?”
“What you told me at the clubhouse last night. I can’t forget it.”
I sigh. “Cole, please—”
“Just hear me out,” he interrupts me.
I get off my raft and swim over to the edge, placing my forearms on the side. His blue eyes watch every move I make, and I can’t decipher the look.
“I knew someone who was taken advantage of. She was strong, but I still saw it eat at her.” He looks away from me. “I hated not being able to help her. To save her from the memories. And the betrayal.” He swallows. “She was like you. Had no one.” His eyes come back to mine, and I try to swallow the knot in my throat. “You know I would have never let Deke touch you, right?”