“Cole,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”
My chest tightens to the point I can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry that no one sees you like I do. I’m sorry that no one understands your rage. Or your hate.”
“Stop …” I choke on the word. She’s twisting the knife. Cutting me more.
She wraps her legs around my hips. “I’m sorry that you lost three friends. And that you are left with a burden that is not yours to bear.” Her tears spill out and down the sides of her face.
AUSTIN
He lied!
He let this town believe he killed three teenage boys who were all his friends when he wasn’t at fault.
“Were you even drinking?” I ask.
I can feel his body physically shaking against mine. He’s angry with me. Angry I figured out a secret.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says instead. “You weren’t there.”
“I didn’t have to be there to know that you weren’t responsible for their deaths.”
“Stop, Austin!” he yells in my face.
“Do the guys know?” I ask as another tear runs down the side of my face.
He doesn’t answer.
“Becky also told me that Kellan blames you. Why didn’t you tell him the truth?”
My heart breaks for him. Not only did he lose his friends, but he also took responsibility when it wasn’t his.
He lets go of my wrists and crawls off me, forcing my legs apart. He sits on the side of the bed, his back toward me and bows his head.
I swallow and sit up. “I know that you felt you did the right thing, but Cole …”
He jumps up and spins around to face me. My words cut off at the look on his face. I’ve never seen it so murderous. “Don’t you dare sit there and pretend like you know why I did what I did,” he snaps as he leans over and picks his jeans up off the floor. He yanks them up and buttons them. The he takes off down the stairs.
I sit here, waiting to hear the door open and close, but it doesn’t come. I get off the bed and take the sheet with me, wrapping it around my shoulders. I walk down the stairs to find him standing in the middle of the room. His hands fisted in front of him as he punches the punching bag that hangs from the rafters.
“Tell me,” I say softly. “Help me understand.”
He ignores me. His breathing grows louder as he pounds away on it. His cuts from last night have already busted open from the force.
I drop my head to look at my hands knotted in the sheet, holding it in place. I lick my wet lips and taste my tears. “I was ten the first time my mom’s boyfriend touched me.” He stops at my words. Like I wanted him to. “At the time, I didn’t understand what he was doing.” I swallow the knot in my throat. “I was sitting on the couch. He sat down next to me and placed his hand on my inner thigh.” I look up at him through my lashes. His back is toward me, and his head is down. “I didn’t know what to do. It felt uncomfortable. Wrong. But he was telling me that I was pretty. No one had ever told me that before.” The muscles in his back tighten. “Then his fingers started digging into my skin painfully. I told him he was hurting me. I tried to push him away, but his grip kept tightening. He said that I’d learn to love pain. It was a way he would show me that he cared about me.” He slowly turns around to face me, and I look him in the eyes. Not backing down like I wanted to when we stood by the pool. “Loved me.” He swallows, and his Adam’s apple bobs.
“That’s when my mother walked in. She saw us, and she ran over to me, grabbed my arm, and yanked me from the couch. She sent me to my room for the rest of the day.” His chest rises and falls from breathing heavy. His jaw is sharp, and nostrils flared. “She said that he belonged to her. That my father had already left her because of me. She wouldn’t let her bitch of a daughter take another one from her.” A tear silently falls down my cheek, but it’s for him, not for me. I came to terms with my life a long time ago.
“I might not understand why you did it, but I know what it’s like to have a secret. You told me that you knew what it was like to be powerless. To have no control. We are the same, Cole. You blame yourself for losing your friends, and I blamed myself for a man wanting me. It took me years to realize he was the one in the wrong. And I had to figure that out on my own. I didn’t have anyone to explain it to me. To help me.” He releases a long breath, looking away from me. “So I’m gonna tell you what someone should have told me.” His eyes come back to mine, and I walk over to him. I reach out to cup his face, and the sheet falls to the floor at my feet. Another tear runs down my face, and he gently wipes it away. “It wasn’t your fault, Cole.”