“I told Max I would have sex with him.”
Maggie blinked a few times. “Can you repeat that?”
I rubbed my temples. “He has an adorable little furry dog, kneels down to play with his three young nieces, and he wipes his stupid, sweaty head with the hem of his shirt, and underneath are rock hard abs. It’s awful.”
Maggie’s brows furrowed. “Yeah, sounds it. I like my men to kick puppies, be mean to children, and have soft, mushy beer bellies.”
I dropped my face into my hands. “He also makes me laugh—like, all the time—and he brings me chicken soup when I’m sick. Chicken soup! And drugs!”
“You lost me with that one, honey. Did he bring you crack? Is that why you’re so upset?”
I shook my head. “What am I going to do when Gabriel comes home, Mags?”
“Oh…” She nodded as if everything made sense for the first time. “You’re afraid you might grow feelings for Max, and that will complicate things when Mr. I-Want-an-Open-Relationship floats back into your life.”
“I love Gabriel, Maggie. I know you’ve had your doubts about him since he pulled what he pulled, but I said yes when he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. You know I don’t rush into things until I’m sure where I want to go. Last year I was absolutely certain I wanted to wake up next to him every day and have a family together. I’d agonized over whether it was the right time for me, whether Gabriel was ready, and if he was truly the one. I didn’t have any doubt.”
Maggie studied me for a moment before leaning forward in her seat. “What is really freaking you out here? The fact that it will be tough to say goodbye to Max when the time comes, or that you might not want to end things with him, which would mean the decision you made to say yes to Gabriel a year ago might not have been the right one?”
I rubbed my temples. “I have a headache.”
“That’s because you’re wound up so tight.” She grinned. “I bet sex with Max would fix that. Something tells me you’ll be a bowl full of jelly when that man is done with you.”
I sighed. “I’ve never had sex with anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with.”
“I know, honey.” Maggie reached across the desk and patted my hand. “But don’t worry, I’ve done that enough for both of us. So this is a subject I can help with.”
I smiled sadly. “When I’m with Max, I’m so caught up in things that I don’t think about anything else. But the minute he leaves, all the guilt and questions set in. I feel like I’m cheating on Gabriel.”
“Okay, let’s start with the simple stuff here. You are not cheating on Gabriel. That fucker is in England boning Brits. He’s the one who forced this situation. You can’t cheat on someone when you aren’t in a relationship.”
“I know I wouldn’t be technically cheating, but my heart still feels like it is.”
Maggie shook her head. “God, I can feel the tension radiating from you. You’re making me feel stressed just sitting in the same room. I think you need to put the meditation you learned a while back to some use so you can relax, and maybe things will become clearer.”
“I did meditate! For an hour this morning. That’s why I was late getting in.”
Maggie arched a brow. “So this is calm you?”
I took a deep breath and heaved a loud sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you remember when you came home from that meditation retreat? You told me about these sessions you went to for over-thinkers and said they suggested implementing some rules to make decisions less stressful.”
I nodded. “The serenity six, they called them.”
“What were they?”
“Umm... There was an acronym. What was it again?” I tapped my finger to my lip. “Oh, I know. STEP UP. S was for spontaneity, to work on being more spontaneous. T was for timeline. They suggested setting a timeline to make decisions and move on. Thirty seconds for little things like what you should have for lunch. Thirty minutes for bigger decisions, and to the end of the day for the biggest stuff. E was for exercise, which is self-explanatory. P was for present, to work on being in the present and not looking back at things. U was for ubhaya padangusthasana, which is a yoga balancing pose that they suggest you do when you’re under a lot of stress because it’s supposed to center your core, and the last P was for people. They suggest only associating with people who aren’t over-thinkers when you’re struggling.”
“Okay, well…I didn’t remember any of that, and honestly I just zoned out while you were explaining half of it, but the parts I heard sounded useful. Like setting a timeline—I’m sure you see this as a big decision, so maybe give yourself until the end of the day today, and then don’t look back. You’re either in or you’re out. If you’re in—stay in the present. Don’t think about Gabriel. He’s not here, and he’s not part of today. And I definitely think you could use some spontaneity. If you decide yes on Max, make a commitment to have fun with him and try new things. If not, you and I will make some plans. I’ve always wanted to jump out of a plane.”