“What happens now?” I question in a small voice.
“Well,” she starts. “After the funeral, we’ll give ourselves the day to celebrate Nanna’s life and starting tomorrow we will have to sort through her things. I have a meeting with her lawyers tomorrow morning to go through her will, and hopefully, that’ll offer me some guidance on what to do with her home.”
My eyebrows pull down, a little unsure. “What do you mean?” I ask as a cramp makes itself known in my nether region. It’s that time of the month and I’ve been getting the worst cramps all night, so bad, in fact, that I couldn’t even bare for Nate to touch me. I’ve sent him to go and sleep in his room, despite all his objections. It’s strange though, I never get cramps. This is my first time dealing with it and it’s awful. I feel like I finally understand all those women who complain about it.
I groan inwardly, not wanting mom to see the pain on my face as I focus all my attention on hers. “Nanna has no other family out here. We’re it. We can’t hold onto her home for it to sit there empty. I don’t want to sell it but I don’t want to lease it and see someone else living in it.”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that,” I sigh with a heavy heart as I picture another family living in her home, enjoying her space. “What does Daddy think?”
“We haven’t discussed it in great detail,” she tells me. “But you know your father. He’ll want to sell it and close the book on it.”
“Yeah,” I say, pressing my lips in a tight line. “What would Nanna have wanted?”
Mom lets out a heartbroken sigh. “She’d want me to sell it to a young family who would love it the same way she did,” she tells me. “But I just couldn’t part with it. I grew up in this house too.”
“Maybe Nanna’s right. Maybe it does need to go to a young family. You’ll be back home and we won’t be able to look after it the way Nanna did. The gardens will overgrow, the rooms will get that stuffy unused smell, and leaves will forever be in the pool.”
“Believe me, I know,” she says. “It’s all I’ve thought about over the last few days. The house is filled with my childhood memories.”
“No, mom,” I say, curling an arm around myself. “The memories are already within you. That’s not going to change whether you own the house or not. At the end of the day, Nanna’s home is just a house and I think it needs to be enjoyed. Wait and see what her will says, who knows, maybe Nanna already has some plans for it.”
Mom lets out a heavy breath and gives me a smile. “You’re right. I should stop stressing about it.”
“Agreed,” I grin.
She rolls her eyes and silently watches me for a moment. “Alright, sweetie,” she finally says as I rub at my sore eyes, keeping them trained on her. “I should get going. I have to get over to the church to greet everyone, but I promise, I’ll be home in a few days.”
“Ok,” I sigh, hating that she and dad are still so far away, but it won’t be long. “Miss you.”
“Miss you too, baby girl,” she says giving me another tight smile. “You’ll be alright?”
I give her an encouraging smile. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I lie, not wanting her to worry about me any more than I know she already is. “You just focus on giving Nanna the best send off you can. I’ve got Nate and Jesse here refusing to leave me alone for even a second.”
“Oh good,” she laughs. “I told you those boys weren’t so bad.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” I groan, hating to admit that she was right, though she doesn’t know the extent of just how right she is.
“Ok, I’ll see you in a few days. Try and get some sleep,” she tells me.
“Alright, mom,” I say as another yawn takes over me. “Love you.”
“I love you too,” she says before ending the call.
With a sigh, I bring my hands down and drop my phone into my lap before spreading my hand out over the empty space beside me. It’s the first time in over two months that I’ve slept alone, and to be honest, I’ve really gotten used to sleeping in Nate’s arms.
I hate that I sent him away tonight, especially when the hurt flashed behind his eyes. I know it kills him to not be here when I’m in so much pain, but the thought of being touched right now kills me.
I’ve never experienced something like this before, but all I know is that it’s awful. I want to go back to my regular period. The one that I barely notice is there, not this on that feel like some kind of monster has climbed up through my lady taco and is tearing me apart from the inside out.