I glance around the dining table, double checking that he’s not peeking in through a window and that I’m clearly out of sight before army crawling across the floor and back into the safe confines of the kitchen. I’ll have to be quick. If he walks in here right now, I’m screwed.
I find an old grocery bag and shuffle my way over to the fridge before filling it up with every last egg we own.
I sling the bag over my neck, letting it dangle at the side and position my nerf gun as though I’m some kind assassin.
Game on, sucker.
I run from the kitchen, knowing this is probably the worst place for me to be right now. From the sounds he made on the window, I’m assuming he knows I’m awake by now and onto his little plan, but I’m also banking on the fact that he doesn’t know about my secret weapon.
I want nothing more than to army roll my way out of here but I’m too terrified of breaking my eggs before I have a chance to break them on his head.
Giddiness soars through me. Who would have thought?
The adrenaline pulses through my veins as I storm down the hall, past the living room and clearing in four massive strides. As I pass dad’s open bedroom, I catch him out the back, leaning up against the tree, watching the house like it’s about to explode.
It’s the worst spot to stand. Well, for his benefit it’s probably the best. He can see absolutely everything from there. Every corner of the backyard, every door, and window. How the hell am I going to get the drop on him? But damn, maybe I don’t want to, maybe I should surrender like a good little prisoner and let him take me. After all, the way he stands with his nerf gun against his chest as though it’s his only lifeline is damn sexy.
No. Must not cave. I am stronger than that. I can let him have his wicked way with me after I force an apology out of him.
I duck down and continue hurrying down the hallway so he doesn’t see me before ducking into my room. I go to my window and silently slide it open as my plan falls into place. He’ll never see me coming.
I step up onto my open window and hold on for dear life, grinning because it’s at the front of the house and he won’t see me until it’s too late.
I reach up and grab hold of the roof, cringing because I probably could have found a safer way to haul my ass up onto the roof, but I guess it’s too late now, I’ve already committed. I swing my eggs around to my back so they don’t get squished in the move, and suck in a breath. I can do this, and if I can’t, Noah is just a blood curling scream away.
I haul myself up onto the roof, regretting the decision to have so many nachos for dinner last night and army crawl up the roof tiles, hoping I’m not destroying them in the process while my nerf gun remains securely in my hand.
I get to the peak of the roof and feel like a fucking boss. I can see everything, but most importantly, I see Noah in the backyard, almost cowering behind the tree, looking everywhere except up. He expected me by now and it’s putting him off that I haven’t come storming out the back door with a warrior cry.
I can’t help but grin. Who’s the sitting duck now?
Egg or nerf gun? Egg or nerf gun? Decisions. Decisions.
Egg. Definitely egg.
I reach into my grocery bag and curl my fingers around a nice cool egg, holding it like my lifeline while trying my hardest not to roll off the roof. I mean, Noah is good, but he’s not that good. If I fell from here, there’s no way he could catch me in time. It’s going to hurt…a lot.
I bring the egg out and smile down at the little thing. “Serve me well, soldier,” I whisper before giving it a little kiss. “Your sacrifice is truly valued. Fly true, baby.”
I resist saluting my little suicide bomber and rear back with a shit eating grin, hoping to whoever exists out there that my aim has improved since the last time I did something as stupid as this.
My arm sails forward and I release my egg, watching it fly through the air like a little grenade that just lost its pin.
My shit eating grin only grows wider as the angels smile down on me. The egg soars like a soldier and not a second later, smashes right into Noah’s hard chest, sending egg guts all over him.
He rears back in shock, eyes widening as though he can hardly comprehend what the hell just happened. He looks down at the egg as I slam my hand over my mouth, stifling my laughter, but it’s too much, it booms out of me and instantly gives me away.