Forever Right Now

“He got the same visit from the highway patrol that you did. A drunk driver killed his mother when he and his brother were little. His entire world fell apart. His family fell apart, and I know that he wants Olivia to have more than he did.” I leaned my arms over the table toward them. “He wants you in her life, I swear it. He

won’t shut you out, but… he wants full custody too.”

They bristled at this and I ventured to touch Alice’s hand. “Isn’t that a good thing? He doesn’t want to be a part-time dad. But that doesn’t mean he wants to do this alone, either.”

“Olivia seems quite fond of you,” Alice said. “Will you be a part of her life too?”

“I’d like that,” I said. “I’m quite fond of her too. And I know what you must be thinking about me. What Holloway dug up on me is true. I was arrested and did time in jail. But what his investigation didn’t show you was how hard I’ve worked to get past that. I’ve been clean for a really long time, and I’m never going back. Not only for the people I love, but for me too. Especially for me.”

The Abbotts were quiet, though it seemed as if they exchanged a thousand thoughts with one look.

“Does that couch fold out?” Gerald asked after a moment, nodding at the sofa.

Hope bloomed in my chest. “Only one way to find out.”

The couch did fold out and Gerald went back to the condo to pack a few things for Olivia and Alice to stay through until Wednesday.

“Do you think Sawyer will mind?” Alice asked. “We’re invading his space…”

“He won’t mind,” I said, “because Olivia is home.”

Alice met my eye. “I think it’s important you know that our being here doesn’t mean we’re giving up our petition, necessarily.”

“I know,” I said. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

Her eyes widened and a small smile lit up her face for a fleeting moment. “Are you? I’ve been feeling like the evil witch in a story.”

Her pain was there, just beneath the surface of her coiffed and elegant exterior and I realized that on top of everything, she was mourning her child.

“I’m sorry about Molly,” I said.

Tears filled her eyes at the name; the name that she’d said a million times over her child’s life, and was now imbedded in her soul. It had meaning and conjured memories only she could know.

“Where did we go wrong?” she whispered, more to herself than me. “We did everything right. Good schools, opportunities, and we loved her. God, we loved her.”

In my mind, I saw Max leaning against a pillar, arms crossed, smiling at me expectantly. I drew in a breath.

“When I was sixteen, I was in the running for a dance scholarship to an academy in New York. My parents weren’t one hundred percent on board, but a scholarship meant something to them. They were proud of me, in their own way. And my teachers and friends were sure I’d get it. But I was petrified. I felt like I was so close to catching something I’d wanted even before I had a name for it.”

I toyed with the cuff of my ratty gray sweater.

“The night before the audition, I went to a party. Some guy offered me Ecstasy and I took it, even knowing it would keep me up all night and wreck me for the audition in the morning. I took it because that euphoria was right there and I didn’t have to do anything but take a pill. I wasn’t scared any more. I didn’t have to care so hard about…everything. The desire I had in me to be, and do, and dance…I filled it up with that drug. Of course, I blew the audition, and once the X wore off, the pain of that failure swooped in. So I did the only thing I could think to do to make it go away.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I took more.”

I looked up to see Alice watching me with a mother’s eyes; full of concern and care, and I wished, just then, she’d had the chance to talk to her own daughter like this.

“I can’t speak for Molly, but maybe she was chasing something too. Something in her she couldn’t catch and she filled that emptiness the best she could.”

“We could have done more,” she said. “We should have tried harder to find her.”

“Addicts don’t always like to be found,” I said. “Sometimes it’s just as simple and awful as that.”

Alice stared at me a moment, then wiped her eyes. “Darlene, I’d like to hug you right now. May I?”

A sudden warmth spread through every part of me. My head bobbed. “Sure, yeah,” I whispered.

She pulled me into a warm embrace full of her expensive perfume, but beneath that her arms were soft and I held her tight.

She hugged me for long moments, then pulled away, laughing sheepishly. “Well. I’m suddenly very hungry. Shall we have dinner?”