Talk to her. Such a simple concept, but I didn’t do this. I didn’t let women into my place. I didn’t talk about my day. Except with Olivia, I was on auto-pilot, slogging through the hours to get to the finish line. But Darlene kept slipping in and I couldn’t keep her out.
Maybe I don’t want to keep her out.
I cleared my throat. “You were going to tell me your good news.”
She put one bare foot on top of the other, her smile tentative. With her face scrubbed free of makeup, she was impossibly beautiful. I crossed my arms over my chest, a flimsy shield against her.
“It’s so weird, but I feel like I need to tell someone or I’ll burst or cry, or I don’t know what.”
“Tell me.”
“Okay, well…” She heaved a breath. “I auditioned for this little dance company earlier today and they gave me a small part. It’s the first time I’ve danced in a while so it’s kind of a big deal to me. And my place is so quiet…” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “My friends and family are all asleep on the East Coast now. I called my sister earlier but it’s not the same thing, talking on the phone. Silly, I know.”
“It’s not,” I said, moving to the kitchen, grateful for an excuse to put some space between us. For a second, she looked so small and vulnerable, my arms wanted to go around her. “That’s awesome. We need a celebratory piece of tuna casserole.”
I pulled two plates from the cabinet, and two forks, and a serving spoon I’d never used, from a drawer.
“I don’t want to keep you up.”
I turned with a small smile. “But I’m already up.”
“Thank you,” Darlene said softly. She joined me at the kitchen table. “I’m not used to living alone. The quiet gets to me and I’m not a fan of TV.”
I cut two squares of the casserole, and ladled one onto her plate, one onto mine. I took a bite.
“Holy shit, this is better than the first one.”
“Yeah?” Darlene’s smile brightened. Her light was always on but now her internal dimmer switch was turned up higher.
“I put peas in it. I thought you might want to give Livvie some tomorrow.” She took a taste. “Not bad, eh?”
“Not bad at all.” I watched her mouth as the tip of her tongue touched her lower lip. “It’s fucking perfect.”
She raised her eyes to meet mine. I went back to my food.
“So, what’s the show?” I asked. “Anything I would’ve heard of?”
“God, no,” she said. “It’s a tiny little dance troupe doing a revue. Independent. But even so, it’s the first time I’ve danced in about four years.”
“Really? Why the long break?”
She shifted in her seat and poked her food with the fork. “I got distracted by… other things. And it’s really easy to let something go if you don’t let yourself be that something. Do you know what I mean?”
I did, but I shook my head no. I wanted to hear Darlene talk. Now that she was here, I realized my place had been damn quiet too.
“I always danced but I didn’t call myself a dancer,” Darlene said. “I still don’t. I feel like I haven’t earned the title, but maybe this little show is a good step towards something bigger.”
“I think it’s fucking awesome that you took a shot and it paid off,” I said.
Darlene looked at me through lowered lashes. “You do?”
“Yeah. You put yourself out there. You faced rejection.”
The bitterness of my meeting with Judge Miller crept into my voice. I could hear it and Darlene did too.
“Did something happen today?” she asked.
“Nah, nothing,” I said. “We don’t need to talk about it.”