“Miss Milenov. We have counselors on site. I think it’s best you talk to them, and maybe get someone to help you with the baby. It’s going to be a difficult time.”
Staring down at her face, unaware that my tears were falling onto her blanket, my mind became increasingly clear.
If I have to choose between her and Mama, I will choose Mama in a heartbeat.
I squeeze my head between my legs, desperately trying to erase all the memories. The darkness should have cured me. Running away from everything was my only answer. I’m not meant to be a mother. I can’t even give birth like a normal mother should have nor can I even breastfeed. And that bond, the supposedly unconditional love that you feel, it’s missing.
No, I made the right decision. Flynn will help, he promised me he would. He won’t let me down. I just need to be alone and somehow I have to find a way to stop Mama from dying anytime soon.
There’s a rustling in the bush. It echoes loudly in the still of the night. Maybe my time is up, a wild animal ready to feast on me and eat up my soul.
Yeah, I should be so fucking lucky.
And then, the dead silence becomes heavy breathing. In and out. Strong, heavy, and with a familiar beat.
My mind is playing tricks on me. Hallucinating from the surge of emotions that gripped me only moments ago.
“It’s you,” the voice whispers, not to frighten me.
In a heart’s beat, my pulse races furiously. Another memory, another piece I want so desperately to forget.
He’s here.
He has found me.
I’m terrified.
I can’t look at him.
I don’t need his judgment on top of everything else.
“Will you say something, please?”
I check my shoelaces, making sure they’re tight. Like a well-tuned engine, my heart rate accelerates, sending waves to my brain that begin the adrenaline rush. Without lifting my head, I try to remember which path to take through the dense bushland. If I need to escape him, it will need to be quick.
Three. Two. One.
I run, my arms moving at rapid speed, the sticks beneath my feet breaking. He’s yelling, birds are flying from their nests in fear, but I run, I don’t need him. My life is better without him. I can do it all on my own.
My body is yanked backward, and with my breath caught into my throat, he turns me around and smacks me into his chest, suffocating me.
I can’t breathe.
I smell only him.
I feel only him.
My willpower fails me, and with a heavy scream, I sob into his chest, slamming my fists into his body like I’m beating a drum. Part of me wants to escape him, to hurt him, and to push him away out of my space, but the other part of me, in an exuberant amount of pain, remains in his arms though trying to fight how comforting he makes me feel at this moment.
“Milana, please stop. I beg you.”
I can’t. Hysterical but so hopelessly sad that he’s here. It takes me moments, my chest heaving loudly inside his embrace.
He’s trying to protect me, but he can’t stop Mama from dying, no one can.
Softly, and with a gentle touch, he lifts my face. My eyes have swelled, and with only the moonlight hovering over us, we both search each other until our eyes meet, and my whole world falls into his hands.
I love him.