Into the Darkness

“Mmm… I don’t know…three, maybe four?”

“Four!”

“I want plenty of mini Charlie and Julian’s jumping in our bed every morning.”

There it was, that wave of panic again. My stomach tied into all kinds of knots. I hated that I was this terrified, hated that I wasn’t basking in all this kids-talk like every other female with a ticking biological clock.

“Hey gorgeous, relax. It’s going to be you and me for a while. Think you can you handle that?”

I turned to face him, then reached out and ran my hand along his jaw. The diamond shone back at me. I can handle this. Cupid had served me the most perfect man on a silver platter and I was questioning myself? You’re an idiot, Charlie. Plain and simple.

“I can handle that, future Mr. Mason.”

…

I walked through the door and placed my keys on the hallway table. Kicking my heels off, I made my way to the couch then sunk into the cushions. My chest tightened, my stomach still tied in knots.

I said yes… I really said yes. Why wasn’t I calling everyone I know?

I looked at the ring, its weight now unbearable. It was beautiful, but this moment was not what I imagined. I felt guilty as I sat here wearing this piece of jewelry that’s symbolic meaning meant the promise that I was going to commit myself to Julian for the rest of my life. I took the ring off my finger and slid it across the table, as far away from me as possible.

My cell went off, startling me. I glanced at the screen, smiling instantly as his name and goofball face flashed on the screen. Always perfect timing; he was just what I needed right now.

“What are you wearing?” he asked in a low voice.

“A slutty black dress.”

“Why do I believe that?”

“Because I'm a New Yorker and that's what we wear on Tuesday nights.” I paused for a brief moment. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he responded at ease.

“When are you guys coming back to visit?”

“When are you gonna come home?”

Home—this was home, here in Manhattan. “Logan, you know I can't go back.”

“But one day you will and you better come and stay with me, just like old times. I’ll fight ya hard for the remote. We can eat cookie dough straight from the packet and if you’re good, and I mean real good, I may let you ride my Harley.”

I laughed out loud, just like old times. “Do I get to bunk with the kids?”

“I'm sure they would l

ove that.” He laughed. “But hey, your funeral not mine.”

“I miss them. I miss you, and I miss Jen. How is she? Please give her big hugs for me.”

“She's right here.”

The cell volume changed and I could hear that Logan had put me on speakerphone.

“Hi honey. I miss you too. It's been too long. Where is my weekly update on Batman?”

It was now or never. “Actually, I have some news. Tonight…well…Julian kind of…I'm engaged.”

There was a long silence, followed by a child's cry in the background. “Honey, congratulations...” she said, her voice unsure. “Listen, I have to put Milo down for the night. Call me tomorrow, let’s talk more. I need details. I love you.”