Hopefully, this is it. I’ll walk out of here and close the door on my father for good.
Visiting my mother? That’s something I plan to make a regular occurrence. The more I go there, the more I seem to break through her barriers. She’s rough around the edges, but I would be too if I was put in prison for partaking in something that I was doing solely to protect my son.
Don’t get me wrong, I know deep down that the story she told me could have been a lie to get me on her side, but something right down in my gut told me that she was finally telling me her truth. Everything made sense when she told me that. The reasons she told me my father was Harrison, the reasons she gave me away, the reasons she lost her mind when she was first asked about Anton, it was always to protect me, to keep me safe from a life that no child should ever have to be part of.
She loved me just as a mother should have and if I take into consideration the way the love shines out of her eyes when she speaks of Rivers, it’s clear that she loves him with everything she has, and I’m assuming that she would have felt the same for me at one point. Giving up her baby girl to some stranger you met in a bar would have been the hardest thing she could have possibly done especially considering the way she spoke of always wanting to be a mother and a wife.
I couldn’t possibly imagine giving up my child and I’m so grateful that Gina did. She did everything in her power to make sure her baby girl had the life she always wanted for her.
All these years I’ve struggled with the fact that I was abandoned. I’ve always thought of myself as unlucky. I lost Kelly which turned out to not be such a bad thing and I lost Kaylah and Jackson when I thought I needed them most. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those events would lead me to where I am today.
Without losing Kaylah and Jackson, I never would have Tully and Noah in my life. Without losing Kelly at twelve years old, I never would have grown into the strong, independent woman I am today. And without Gina abandoning me on dad’s doorstep, I never would have had the life I’ve been blessed with.
All these years I thought I was unlucky, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m the luckiest girl to have ever graced this planet and I have Gina to thank for it for placing me in the home of Harrison Bronx.
Yes, there were hard times, and yes, there were occasions where I wanted to scream at my father for being an overbearing, overprotective asshat, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I move up in the line and I snap out of my head. What was I thinking of getting lost inside my mind? Now is certainly not the time. I should be concentrating on not screwing up or saying something that’s going to get me shot.
I move up to the front of the line and I give the man my name, pleased that I’d done right this time and made an appointment. I have a feeling this place isn’t going to look so kindly on teenage girls who come wandering through the door unannounced.
The guard before me ticks off my name and gets me to sign in before requesting as many forms of ID as possible. He even goes as far to take a photocopy before questioning if this is a one time visit or if I plan to visit Anton regularly.
I let him know that if everything goes as I’m assuming it will go that this will be my first and last visit to a maximum-security prison ever.
The guard gives me a blank look and suggests that I should take my ID off the counter and move my ass along. Apparently, he’s not one for small talk.
I do just that and scram. I get caught up in three separate security checks, each one worse than the last and it takes nearly an hour to get from the front door through to the last security checkpoint.
By the time I’m finished, everything I own from my phone, keys, and purse have been stashed away for me to collect when I sign out and before I know it, I’m being ushered into a room much different than what I was expecting.
This isn’t the open room with tables and chairs for everyone to sit and have an open chat about their lives. This is a line of booth like tables with a solid glass down the middle and the old raggedy phones on the inner wall.