“Don’t know. My dad’s people got to me before they could catch her and try to impregnate her. I’m assuming since they captured you and me, it didn’t work out.”
“I’m so sorry they did that to you,” I whispered, rubbing my cheek against his chest again and putting my arms as far around his big body as I could to give him a comforting squeeze. “This must be so hard for you, but at least you have someone with you this time.”
“I’d rather be alone.” Jake’s voice was distant, remote.
“What?” I looked up at him, frowning. His face was like a marble statue in the moonlight. “How can you say that, Jake?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you, all right?” He looked down at me, and the icy façade broke. For a moment, I could see the agony in his eyes. “I don’t want to do what they want me to do to you, Ani,” he whispered hoarsely. “I could never forgive myself if I did.”
“Jake, no—you can’t think like that.” I pushed myself up and cupped his cheek, looking into his eyes. “Look, we’re in a bad position right now and we’re not in control of anything,” I told him, hoping my voice didn’t tremble too much. “But I want you to know that whatever they make us do to each other, it’s not your fault—or mine either,” I added.
“You say that now, but how are you going to feel if they make me touch you? Or rape you?” His voice had gone hard and cold again and his face was remote.
“Look, it’s not going to be like that. It won’t…” I swallowed hard. “It won’t be rape—I won’t let it be.”
“You’re a virgin, Ani,” he said harshly. “And I’m your big brother—it can’t be anything other than rape.”
“Yes, it can,” I protested. “Jake, if…if they make us do that, I won’t fight you. I…” I licked my lips, which were suddenly dry. “I’ll do my best to be…to be open to it. I mean, I never imagined my own stepbrother being my, uh, first but I know you won’t hurt me…will you?” I couldn’t help adding in a small voice.
“Oh, baby…little Ani…” Now it was his turn to sound like he might be crying. He squeezed his eyes shut and I felt wetness under my fingertips, where I was cupping his face. “Never, Ani,” he managed to say in a choked voice. “I would never hurt you. But we can’t do that together—it’s wrong. I can’t even explain to you how wrong it is.”
“I’m just saying if they make us,” I said earnestly. “I won’t blame you. And I hope you won’t blame me.”
“I would never blame you,” Jake said bleakly. “But I would sure as hell blame myself.”
“No—neither one of us is playing the blame game,” I said sternly. “We’re in a sticky situation, but we’re going to get out of it. And for now, all we’ve got is each other so we have to stick together, okay?”
Jake nodded.
“All right,” he said in a low voice.
“And that means no more pushing me away,” I told him. “I need you, Jake—we need each other if we’re going to make it through this and find a way out of here.”
He sighed deeply.
“You feel warm enough now—I ought to tell you to scoot to the other side of the bed. But I guess that counts as ‘pushing you away.’”
“Yes, it does,” I said, frowning and pressing even closer to him. “So don’t even say it, I need to be near you tonight, Jake. And whether you admit it or not, I think you need to be near me, too. We need each other.”
“I just don’t want us to start ‘needing’ each other in any other way,” he said darkly.
“We won’t,” I assured him. “Now why don’t we try and get some sleep? We’ll both feel better in the morning if we do.”
Jake made a noise that seemed to mean ascent and I settled my cheek on his broad chest again. I breathed in his comforting scent and soaked in his warmth, cuddling close, holding him the way I wished he could hold me.
I decided then and there that I didn’t care what they made us do—I wasn’t going to let it get between us. I was feeling closer to Jake than I had since he’d helped me save Mr. Binkers—he was a good big brother—he really was. And I didn’t want him to feel guilty for anything he might be forced to do to me…or I might be forced to do to him.
With that thought firmly in mind and Jake’s warmth to comfort me, I finally drifted off to sleep.
FOURTEEN
“Rise and shine, lovebirds! It’s nearly ten o’clock!”
A woman’s voice trilling through the air woke me up—well, sort of. I’m a pretty sound sleeper. Still, I at least started to stir. I wondered, sleepily, why half of me was so warm and the other half was so cold and stiff. The warm half was lying against something firm that seemed to be moving up and down.