'Have you both gone crazy?' Major Danby protested, his bulging eyes straining in their sockets with tortured awe and exasperation. 'Have you both taken leave of your senses? Yossarian, listen--'
'It's a miracle, I tell you,' the chaplain proclaimed, seizing Major Danby about the waist and dancing him around with his elbows extended for a waltz. 'A real miracle. If Orr could row to Sweden, then I can triumph over Colonel Cathcart and Colonel Korn, if only I persevere.'
'Chaplain, will you please shut up?' Major Danby entreated politely, pulling free and patting his perspiring brow with a fluttering motion. He bent toward Yossarian, who was reaching for his shoes. 'What about Colonel--'
'I couldn't care less.'
'But this may actua--'
'To hell with them both!'
'This may actually help them,' Major Danby persisted stubbornly. 'Have you thought of that?'
'Let the bastards thrive, for all I care, since I can't do a thing to stop them but embarrass them by running away. I've got responsibilities of my own now, Danby. I've got to get to Sweden.'
'You'll never make it. It's impossible. It's almost a geographical impossibility to get there from here.'
'Hell, Danby, I know that. But at least I'll be trying. There's a young kid in Rome whose life I'd like to save if I can find her. I'll take her to Sweden with me if I can find her, so it isn't all selfish, is it?'
'It's absolutely insane. Your conscience will never let you rest.'
'God bless it.' Yossarian laughed. 'I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings. Right, Chaplain?'
'I'm going to punch Captain Black right in the nose the next time I see him,' gloried the chaplain, throwing two left jabs in the air and then a clumsy haymaker. 'Just like that.'
'What about the disgrace?' demanded Major Danby.
'What disgrace? I'm more in disgrace now.' Yossarian tied a hard knot in the second shoelace and sprang to his feet. 'Well, Danby, I'm ready. What do you say? Will you keep your mouth shut and let me catch a ride?' Major Danby regarded Yossarian in silence, with a strange, sad smile. He had stopped sweating and seemed absolutely calm. 'What would you do if I did try to stop you?' he asked with rueful mockery. 'Beat me up?' Yossarian reacted to the question with hurt surprise. 'No, of course not. Why do you say that?'
'I will beat you up,' boasted the chaplain, dancing up very close to Major Danby and shadowboxing. 'You and Captain Black, and maybe even Corporal Whitcomb. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I found I didn't have to be afraid of Corporal Whitcomb any more?'
'Are you going to stop me?' Yossarian asked Major Danby, and gaze
d at him steadily.
Major Danby skipped away from the chaplain and hesitated a moment longer. 'No, of course not!' he blurted out, and suddenly was waving both arms toward the door in a gesture of exuberant urgency. 'Of course I won't stop you. Go, for God sakes, and hurry! Do you need any money?'
'I have some money.'
'Well, here's some more.' With fervent, excited enthusiasm, Major Danby pressed a thick wad of Italian currency upon Yossarian and clasped his hand in both his own, as much to still his own trembling fingers as to give encouragement to Yossarian. 'It must be nice to be in Sweden now,' he observed yearningly. 'The girls are so sweet. And the people are so advanced.'
'Goodbye, Yossarian,' the chaplain called. 'And good luck. I'll stay here and persevere, and we'll meet again when the fighting stops.'
'So long, Chaplain. Thanks, Danby.'
'How do you feel, Yossarian?'
'Fine. No, I'm very frightened.'
'That's good,' said Major Danby. 'It proves you're still alive. It won't be fun.' Yossarian started out. 'Yes it will.'
'I mean it, Yossarian. You'll have to keep on your toes every minute of every day. They'll bend heaven and earth to catch you.'
'I'll keep on my toes every minute.'
'You'll have to jump.'
'I'll jump.'