We lived in Green Creek, Oregon.
My father left when I was twelve.
I was not smart. I was dumb as an ox (Ox).
People were gonna give me shit.
I wanted nothing more than to have a friend.
Gordo was my father-brother-friend.
My mother liked to dance.
Tanner, Chris, and Rico were my friends. We belonged to each other.
The Bennetts were my friends (pack pack pack pack) and we had Sunday dinner because it was tradition.
Jessie was my girlfriend.
Joe was my—oh, Joe was my—
Those were my simple truths.
And reality shifted. Reality bended. Reality broke.
And here I stood in the middle of a moonlit field, my father-brother-friend with his tattoos that shifted more colors than I thought existed standing before me, shaking me, shouting, yelling, “Ox, Ox, Ox, it’s okay, Ox, it’s okay don’t be scared I’ve got you.”
And here I stood in the middle of a moonlit field, surrounded by wolves (PACK PACK PACK PACK) and they pressed against me, and in my secret heart, through these little bonds that I hadn’t known were there, I could hear whispers of song
s and they were singing to me.
Elizabeth said, hush, ChildSonCub, hush. there is nothing to fear.
Thomas said, Ox, Ox, Ox. i am your Alpha and you are a part of what makes us whole.
Carter said, don’t be sad, FriendPackBrother, because we won’t leave you.
Kelly said, i won’t let anything happen to you. i will be by your side.
Mark said, there is no reason to be alone anymore. you will never be alone.
And Joe. Joe sang the loudest of all.
He said, you belong to me.
miles and miles/sun between us
THOMAS SAID, “Do you want to become a wolf?”
It was the Sunday following the full moon. Thomas and I walked through the forest before dinner. Joe had tried to follow us, but Thomas ordered him back to the house, eyes flashing red, and I wondered why I’d never seen it before. How could I have missed what should have been so obvious to me? Joe had slunk back into the house, one last quick glance at me.
He waited to ask until we were far enough away from the house that the others couldn’t hear us. I had learned much about the wolves over the past few days. Heightened sense of smell. Of hearing. They could heal. They could shift. Half shift. Full shift. Alphas and Betas and Omegas. Omegas were dark things. Scary things. Feral and without their tethers.
I learned more than I ever thought possible.
And we walked through the forest again. Just him and me. He touched the trees every now and then, like he always did. He breathed deeply. I asked him why.
“This is my territory,” he said. “It belongs to me. It’s been in my family for a very long time.”