THAT NIGHT I SLEPT between my brothers, their bodies warm, their heartbeats familiar. I breathed them in, this scent of packpackpack, and for the first time in a long time, my dreams were green.
I awoke only once, late in the night. I looked toward the window. Gavin sat in front of it, staring into the dark.
I pulled out of Kelly’s arms. He frowned in his sleep. I reached down and smoothed out the lines on his forehead, whispering that I was here, that he was okay. He sighed, curling toward Joe.
I went to the window and settled on my knees next to Gavin. I rested my arms on the windowsill. It was cold, ice crawling up along the pane of glass.
“Thank you.”
He looked over at me, eyes violet.
I didn’t look away.
“For keeping watch. Guarding. These past few weeks. I know you did while I was sleeping.”
He huffed out a breath, a low grumble in his throat.
“You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to hide from me.”
He looked back out the window. I leaned my chin on my arms, my beard scratching my skin.
He pressed his nose against my shoulder, a question without words.
I needed him to know. I needed him to understand. To hear me, to really hear me. And so I said, “This is ours. This pack. This life. This world. It’s ours, and no one can take that away from us. We’re going to be okay. You and me. We’re going to live. And maybe it won’t be perfect, but we’ll figure it out. We’ll make ourselves a home. I don’t know what this is between us. I’ll trust you to know what’s right for you. But I just want you to know that I’m here if ever you’re ready. It scares the shit out of me, but I know it’s worth it because I know you are. I’m sorry I didn’t see you for who you really were. You helped to fill in the broken parts of me, and I didn’t even realize it, not until it was too late. I don’t want to ever feel like that again. I came for you because you deserve to have someone at your side, someone who doesn’t want to hurt you.”
He whined, pressing against me. His fur was warm, his wolf body hot.
“I don’t know what this means or what it could be. But I think I want to find out. My father told me once that when I found you, when I found the person I was supposed to be with, I’d know. I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t like Joe or Kelly with their wide eyes and belief in something like magic. I get it now because of you. So whatever you want. Whatever it takes. You’re with me now. Where you belong. And I’m not going to take that for granted again.”
He laid his head on top of mine, breathing in deeply.
We stayed there until the sky began to lighten.
shift
“We move quick,” Gordo said. “No matter what happens.”
We stood just inside the doorway of the cabin. Joe and Kelly were grim but focused. Gordo’s tattoos were glowing but muted. Gavin paced the interior of the cabin, nose to the ground. He stopped near the bed. He sneezed and shook his head before grabbing my pack between his teeth. He carried it to me, set it at my feet. He looked up at me, head cocked.
“You’re with me?” I asked him, and it felt like such a loaded question.
His eyes flashed violet.
And for a moment, I thought I heard a voice in my head. It whispered carter carter carter.
I reached down and took his face in my hands. “Stay with me. At my side.”
His tongue scraped my palm.
Gordo was watching us when I looked back at him. He arched an eyebrow.
I said, “We don’t stop. We don’t look back. No matter what happens.”
Gordo grinned, wild and bright. “Goddamn, I’ve missed you. You asshole.”
And then he opened the door.
“TWO TRUCKS,” Gordo said as we jogged through the trees. “You said yours still runs?”