“Don’t listen to him,” Gary told him. “Sam’s just bitchy because he’s not getting away.”
“I feel like I’m in a waking fever dream,” Ryan said to no one in particular. “Like, these past weeks are the product of extraordinary illness and I’m actually in bed hallucinating all of this.”
“Do you often hallucinate about Sam while you’re in bed?” Gary asked.
Ryan blushed terribly.
I told myself that the fact I couldn’t breathe right then was the product of having a unicorn sitting on me. Nothing else.
“Now, we know my skills with the lute are divine.” Zal ran his hands over the strings and a pretty chord echoed in the tavern. “My voice has been called melodious and sublime. Now I’ll sing you a verse or six. Ladies and gentleman, guests of esteemed honor, I give you… ‘Cheesy Dicks and Candlesticks.’”
“What,” I said.
“What?” Ryan said.
“This is gonna be goooood,” Gary breathed.
Tiggy grinned.
And Zal the Magnificent began to sing.
There once was a princely man,
Who had jewels for eyes and hair most fair.
Set, he was, to rule this land,
Undoubtedly down with panache and flair.
But plans have changed, due to nefarious deeds,
As a dragon came and stole the Prince away.
And Verania waits for him to be freed!
So he can return and be wed in a ceremony most gay.
Ohhhhhh!
Cheesy dicks and candlesticks!
And everything you need!
Listen as I sing a verse or six
Here in this land of sloth and greed!
“Whaaaaat the hell?” Ryan said.
“This is so much better than my dreams,” Gary said reverently.
But fear not, my lads and lasses,
For there are heroes to be told!
A wizardly man and a knight who sasses,
A unicorn, a giant, all who’re brave and bold!