He snorted, and it came out eggshell white and olive green. I would have though it pretty if I wasn’t unsuccessfully trying to make my crazy face go away. “Sam,” Gary said quietly, hooking his chin over my shoulder and watching me in the mirror. “It’s going to be okay. Ryan loves you, and he’s going to take care of you.”
I shrugged. “I know.” Because I truly did.
“And you are going to live happily ever after.”
“You think?” I asked, trying not to get my hopes up.
“I know it,” he said. “And I came to tell you I told you so.”
“I love you,” I told him. “You know that, right?”
“I know,” he said, pressing his lips against the side of my head. “I love you too.”
“Good. Feel better?”
“You know what? I do. It’s going to be fine. I’ll just—”
A knock at the door.
“—go out of my fucking mind because he’s here.”
“Well,” Gary said. “I tried. Sam. It’s been lovely. Have fun. Make sure you press up right behind his balls before he comes. It’ll feel really good.”
“Wait, what!”
“Toodles!” he called over his shoulder, heading for the door, leaving me to my doom.
I heard the door open. Then, “Well, I’ll be. Ryan Foxheart. Now this is unexpected.”
“Gary,” I heard Ryan say. “Everything okay?”
“Peachy,” Gary said cheerfully. “Sam is finishing up in the bathroom. While he’s in there, you and I can chat for a minute.”
“I can hear every word you’re saying!” I called out.
“Ignore him,” Gary said. “He’s naked in front of the mirror admiring his nipples.”
“That’s… nice,” Ryan said, sounding rather breathless.
“Sweet molasses,” I muttered.
“So, quick word. You love him?”
“Yes.” No hesitation.
“You going to hurt him?”
“Not intentionally.”
“Hmm,” Gary said. “I’ll allow it, Ryan. Can I call you Ryan?”
“Don’t you normally?”
“Wonderful. Ryan. If you hurt him, Tiggy and I will tear you to pieces and bathe in your blood. Your soul will be torn from your body and we’ll trap it in an enchanted urn. I will then light the urn on fire and Kevin will eat it. Soon, you would be nothing but a pile of dragon shit. Are we clear?”
I groaned quite loudly.
“Oh, listen,” Gary said. “Sam sounds like he’s practicing.”