“Mite angry,” Tiggy agreed. “Also, mite hungry.”
“Have a grape, kitten. They’re delicious. Especially if you like the fact that they were garnished with betrayal.”
Gary and Tiggy and I all gasped dramatically.
“Betrayal,” I bellowed, outraged at the very thought. “You know nothing of betrayal!”
“I do!” Gary shouted back, but not before he started chewing on more grapes. “I probably know better than anyone in this room!”
“Me too!”
“Tiggy too!” Gary said. “How bitter this moment is, knowing what I know now. For shame, Sam of Wilds. For shame. How you are not on your knees begging for our forgiveness is beyond me.”
“On your knees, bitch,” Tiggy grumbled. Then he grinned. “All done.”
“How does it look?” Gary said, flicking his newly braided mane back and forth.
“Good,” Tiggy said.
“It really does,” I agreed. “Tiggy, you are getting very good at that. Probably even better than me.”
Tiggy blushed.
“Gaaah,” I said. “Your face does things to me.”
“It is a nice face,” Gary said. He stood up and trotted daintily over to the mirror above the dresser. “Oh, Tiggy. You have outdone yourself. I don’t know that I have ever seen anything more beautiful than I look right now.”
Tiggy blushed harder.
“Truly the work of a master,” I said.
“It is,” Gary said. “Too bad this whole experience has been tainted by your lies!” He whirled around, eyes blazing.
“No, no lies!” Tiggy wailed.
I hissed at the both of them, baring my teeth.
“Any more secrets we need to be aware of, Sam of Lies?” Gary cried.
“Capitalized,” Tiggy moaned. “It true. It true.”
I turned away from them, unable to take their gazes upon me, and instead stared off into nothing, contemplating the tragedies of my life. “You cannot understand my reasons.”
“Oh cannot I?” Gary asked. Then, “Wait. You should have said that I can’t understand your reasons. That way, I could have said oh can’t I? It would have sounded a lot better.”
“Sorry,” I said, turning back around. “I’m not used to being overly dramatic about everything.”
“Another lie,” Tiggy said.
Gary gasped. “He’s right. You’re overdramatic about everything! I feel like I don’t even know you at all!”
“Stranger Sam,” Tiggy said morosely. “Capitalized too, motherfucker.”
“The life of a wizard is a lonely one,” I said plaintively. “One whose path is rife with the dangers and mysteries of my profession. You can’t possibly understand the weight that I find myself under.”
“Oh can’t I?” Gary snapped. “That was a much better setup, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”