“It is my curse,” I said solemnly, refusing to be intimidated. Which amounted to me being extraordinarily intimidated and trying really hard to control loose bowels. “But if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first person who has told me that.”
“Your dragon, dear,” Leslie said, the feathers on top of her head fluttering. “That darling youngling. Kevin, was it?”
“Ye-es….”
“How exotic, that,” Leslie said to Pat. “I mean, Kevin. Can you just imagine?”
“I really don’t think dragons understand how names work,” I muttered.
“What was that?” Pat asked with a sneer.
“Nothing, nothing! Just… thinking aloud. That is also something I tend to do. You can just ignore me, like everyone else does.”
“Now,” Leslie said, “this Kevin. Tell me, dear. Does he need a mother?”
“Oh, here we go again,” Pat said, rolling her eyes.
“What,” I said. Because what?
“Leslie, you cannot just mother everything you find,” Pat said, sounding as if this was a long-held argument.
“I’m pretty sure I can,” Leslie said. “And I’m also pretty sure that I will.”
“It hasn’t worked out so far.”
“That’s because those were just practice children.”
“There were those bats,” Pat said, raising a single claw.
“Crunchy,” Leslie said.
“Then those baby cows.” Another claw was raised.
“Or sliders, as I like to call them,” Leslie said, lips smacking.
“Or the mountain goat.” A third claw.
“I certainly got a kick out of him,” Leslie said gleefully. Then she frowned. “Especially when he was coming out of me.”
I grimaced. “I… didn’t need to know that.”
“This is why we have the rocks,” Pat said, lowering her claws. “You can still mother them without accidentally eating them.”
“You ate your pseudochildren?” I asked shrilly.
“Terrible business, that,” Leslie said. “I felt just awful. Which actually turned out to be heartburn and indigestion, but still. Just awful.”
“You can’t eat Kevin!”
She blinked at me. “I wasn’t planning to. In case you couldn’t tell, he is much larger than I am, even if he’s a youngling.”
Pat leaned forward again, her snout right in front of my face. “You know how weak humans’ eyes are. Perhaps this one’s are weaker than most.”
“Hey! I’ll have you know I have very strong eyesight! Like, the strongest even.”
Leslie snorted. “Of course you do, dear.”
“You’ve eaten everything you’ve mothered,” I said.