I tried to push it away.
Why, though? a little voice whispered in my head. Why can’t you let it? It would be so easy. All you have to do is close your eyes, and there will be green, and there will be gold, and it will become everything you hoped it would be. The things you could do with it, Sam. You could end this. You could end him. And then the star dragon would be a liar. There would be no sacrifice. Vadoma would be a liar. Ryan would not be upon a slab of stone, a shell, a husk, that which makes him him having crossed the veil.
I squeezed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth against the onslaught. Because that voice was right, wasn’t it? It would be easier. To let it all out, to see what I could become, to be stronger than anything else in the world, stronger than Myrin. I could control it. I knew I could. I could control it and shove it back when I was finished—
“No,” I ground out, hands fisted at my sides. The air tasted burned and crisp around me, like it was lightning-struck. I opened my eyes, and everything was covered in a haze of white, like the brightest light was shining from within me. It was too much, too strong, too powerful, and I wanted it, and I didn’t. It was everything and nothing, and as it railed against me, as it bowled over me, I knew it was right there, right there for the taking, and all I had to do was—
Because it’s always been you, Sam. I promise. I promise. I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.
“No,” I whispered.
And then it was gone.
All that was left was the sky above. The clouds below.
I stood upon the back of the oldest living creature in the known world, his great wings moving slowly up and down. I couldn’t see Kevin, though I thought he was near, having ignored my order to find the others. He was stupid like that. I might have loved him just a little bit.
“Why have you come here?” a voice asked, the words reverberating all around me. I couldn’t be sure if they were spoken aloud or just in my head, but I didn’t think it mattered.
I stepped forward until I was back in the shadow of the crown, which blocked out the worst of the wind. I reached up and pressed a hand against it. It was smooth, the skin stretched tight over bone that was as hard as steel. The moment my fingers touched the Great White, there was a little burst of light in my head, and I thought of Zero, the way his garden had grown in the ruins in the desert, of Pat and Leslie, their devotion to each other, the weight and power of their dreams.
And I thought of Kevin, bright and brash Kevin, who’d been scared and unsure of his place in the world until he’d carved himself a home in the hearts of a hornless unicorn, a half-giant, a knight, and a wizard’s apprentice.
I pulled away from the Great White, seeing my handprint left upon his crown, the green and gold burning like a brand into his skin. I watched as it faded until it disappeared altogether.
“Just because my kin believe in you, apprentice, does not mean you have what it takes to fulfill what the gods have demanded of you.”
I stared up at the back of the dragon’s crown, unsure of what to do next. Unfortunately for me, my mouth moved before my brain did. “Dude, four out of five ain’t bad, you gotta give me that at least. And the star dragon keeps saying he’s impartial, but we both know that’s a lie. Also, it’d be totally cool if you could stay out of my head, because that’s just rude. Don’t be a dick.”
Man, Morgan and Randall were going to kick my ass if they ever found out about this.
“Why are you here?” the Great White asked again.
“You know why.”
“I would hear you speak it.”
I was barely able to restrain the eye roll as I began to list the reasons rapid-fire. “The short version? Prophecy, villain, bad-touch grandma, sexy wannabe cornerstone, snake dragon monster thing, mated lesbians, my boo, best friends, adventures that are capitalized so you know they’re true, saving the world, best friends 5eva, the King, Pete, my parents, the people who hate me because of Lady Fucking Tina who I loathe with a fiery passion that will never cease, my home, my country, Morgan, Myrin, Randall, who, by the way, told me to tell you that I can be as annoying as anyone or anything you’ve ever seen before in your long, long life. I think that about covers it all.” I frowned. “Wait, no, also, I’m here because I need your help, and it’d be super cool if we could just do this thing without the whole rawr-I’m-going-to-pretend-to-eat-you-but-it’s-actually-just-a-test thing that dragons seem to do to me for reasons I still don’t quite understand. Okay, now that’s all.”
There was a beat of silence. Then, “It would appear Randall was correct,” the Great White rumbled. “For once in his life.”
“Because that’s what you took away from that whole speech,” I said. “And I take offense to that. I was bad-touched by my grandma. Come on, dude. Priorities.”
“I warned you,” he said. “In the woods. I warned you. And yet here you stand.”
“Yeah, I know you don’t know me and all, but seriously. Telling me not to do something is a surefire way to make me do it. I’m kind of an asshole that way. Also, not to be repetitious, but four out of five dragons. That’s gotta count for something.”
“I see your heart, apprentice,” he said. “There is strength within it. And goodness. Even now, after everything you’ve done, after everything that’s been done to you, you have not allowed yourself to be consumed by the darker path of magic. That is to be commended, given the power you wield. But still I stand by my prior decree: you are not ready.”
“That’s fucked,” I said, a little angrier than I’d been just a moment ago. “That’s fucked, and you know it. I have done everything that has been asked of me. All of this was pushed down upon me, all these secrets and lies and a godsdamn destiny that I never asked for, and I have done it all. I went to the desert. I went to the mountains. I have faced Myrin and survived. These are not my sins, but I’ve taken their burden upon me. You don’t get to tell me I’m not ready when I’ve done everything I’ve been told to do.”
“You have fire,” the dragon said. “And strong wits about you. But you are reckless. Arrogant. You do not understand the weight of sacrifice, the power in facing what is lost.”
“And you do?” I demanded. “You turned your back on Randall when he needed you the most! He had you, and then Myrin came and you left. You were his mentor. You should have been there for him. You should have been there when Myrin fell into darkness, but you hid yourself away in the woods, sleeping the centuries away while he and Morgan suffered—”
“Don’t you speak to me about suffering,” the Great White snarled, and there was a burst of pure white magic all around me that I could do nothing to fight. I was rooted in place, unable to move. “You know nothing about suffering. I warned him of the path that leads to darkness, and he made his own choices. He is human; therefore, he is fallible. He fell prey to the entrapments of his kind, of love and loyalty to one who would bring him to ruin. And here you stand, speaking of a unicorn and a half-giant and a knight. Tell me, wizard. If you could end this now, if you could save the world and all its people, would you sacrifice the ones you love?”
“I would find another way,” I snapped.