“That wasn’t a request, Sam.”
“We could pretend it was. You used the word ask, after all.”
“Sam.”
I stared at him.
He was infuriatingly calm.
I sighed and picked up the pack from beside my chair. I set it in my lap and just… left it there. There was something I needed to say before we did whatever we were about to do. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it either way, so the longer I could put it off, the better.
“The Trials.”
He blinked. “What about them? They’re irrelevant to you now, I would think.”
“I know. But if you think I should still go through them, I will.”
“You don’t need to prove yourself to me.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “I’ve always had to prove myself to you. That’s kind of our thing.”
“I only ever wanted the best for you.”
“Even when I turned your nose into a dick?”
“Even then.”
I sighed and looked down at the pack in my lap. I had to get this out before I couldn’t. “I don’t remember some of it. About being in the woods. It’s like… a dream. The more I’m removed from it, the hazier it gets.”
Randall said nothing.
“Not all of it, though. Some things are startlingly clear. I remember the rain on my face when I walked through the Dark Woods. I remember the pain I felt. The grief. I remember questioning myself, if I was doing the right thing. If I was just running away again. Or if I was doing what was expected of me. After… after Morgan died, when you came and took Myrin away, you told me that I had to do what was necessary, even if my heart was breaking.”
Randall closed his eyes and breathed.
“And I did. I did, Randall, even though my heart was breaking. Because I was lost. Morgan was gone. You were gone. Ryan was… dying. The King proclaimed I would be his wizard when you returned. And the gods, they… you know what they wanted from me. What they asked. The Great White told me the first time that I had to go with him. That I had to leave all others behind and enter the woods.”
Randall opened his eyes. “I thought that might be the case.”
I smiled weakly. “Which is why you said what you did.”
“I didn’t—”
I shook my head. “After you took him, where did you go?”
“To the ends of the earth. To a place where fire and ice meet along great frozen shelves and the ground splits and lava spills. I left him there, but I knew it to be a temporary fix. That in the end, it would only hobble him until he could return. It was the only thing I could think to do to buy us all time. But he was stronger than I expected, and it didn’t take him long to find his way back to Verania.”
“Because of what he consumed.”
“Yes, Sam. Because of what he consumed.”
“You told me once that you had hope, that you thought one day he could find his way back from the Dark. Like you did.”
“Yes.”
I looked him straight in the eye. “He lost that right. When he took Morgan. Whatever was left of the Myrin you knew is gone now.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “But I believe my cornerstone was lost long before he ever stepped foot back in Verania.”