“Matty,” Dad sighed, “I think we need to work on our subtlety.”
“Of course not, dear,” she sniffed. “We’re as subtle as the day is long.”
“Yeah, if the day is in Antarctica during the winter,” I muttered.
“What?” Mom asked.
“What?” Dad asked.
“She said you guys were subtle as the day is long. And I said only if the day was in Antarctica in winter.”
“We heard that, sweetheart,” Mom said. “We’re not deaf.”
“Days are really short in Antarctica during the winter,” I ground out, shoving the sheets into the washing machine.
“That’s nice, dear. Did you want to go there or something? That seems really far away. Consider going somewhere closer first, like Iowa. I hear the people there are very… Iowan.”
“Maybe it’s on his bucket list,” Dad said. “You know, now that he’s thirty, he’s trying to figure out all the things he wants to do before he dies.”
“Like have grandbabies?” my mom asked hopefully.
“That’s why I got a dog,” I said, hearing Wheels rolling his way to his dish in the kitchen.
“Granddogs?” my mother said, perplexed. “Not quite the same. Now, who was he?”
“Who?”
“Don’t do that, Paul. It’s annoying.”
“Yes, Paul. Don’t annoy your mother because then she annoys me.”
“Really, Lawrence, try to be a bit more sensitive.”
“I’m the most sensitive man you know.”
“No, Paul is. He always has been, ever since he was a little boy. I don’t know why we were so surprised when he came out. We should have seen it coming.”
“Like the time he wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween when he was ten?”
My mother sighed. “Though, now that I think about it, he should have been the fairy godmother.”
“Mom!” I choked out, as my dad started to crack up. “That’s not funny!”
“Oh course it is, sweetheart. I’m the funniest person in the world.”
“That makes me so sad,” I told her.
“What was his name?” she demanded.
“If you talked to Sandy then you know I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” Dad asked. “I don’t understand why you’re so quiet. Or so shy, for that matter. You’re just as good as any of the other homosexuals in there. Better, even.”
“The best,” my mom said fondly.
I tried not to let them know how their words affected me, only because I realized that this is why they had called to begin with. We didn’t speak on the phone that often, and if we did, the conversations were short and sweet. But Sandy must have told them I was upset and this was them trying to make me feel better, and I’ll admit, my eyes were burning a bit. All my anger fled at that moment, and what I really wanted was my mom and dad.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice a bit rough. “You guys are just biased.”