“I didn’t! I didn’t even like him when this whole thing started.”
“Sure you did,” Vince said. “Subconsciously.”
“Are you teaching him new words again?” I snapped at Paul. “That’s not—okay. Wait. What if I subconsciously wanted to date Darren and the real reason I agreed was because I wanted to get all up in that shit?”
“Oh my god,” Paul said. “That’s genius. How did you think of that?”
“That is literally what I just—” Vince started to say.
“It just came to me,” I said.
“Dawning realizations are my favorite realizations,” Corey said.
Vince sighed. “So you agreed because you wanted him. And he wanted you too. You were really dating. Sort of.”
And if that wasn’t just a punch in the gut, because what.
“Boom,” Corey said. “Dirty truth bomb just exploded up in your shit.”
“Holy fuck,” I breathed.
“Holy fuck,” Paul squealed. “You were dating him? For real?”
“Um,” Corey said. “That’s what we thought to begin with. Right?”
“I know that,” Paul said. “But it’s really for real.”
“What the hell,” I said to Paul, starting to hyperventilate. “I was dating the Homo Jock King? For real? Paul! Darren was sort of my boyfriend!”
“I know! You were kind of really dating him!”
“You’re right,” Corey said to Vince. “It’s easier just to let it wash over you.”
“You’ll do just fine here,” Vince said.
“But what about the twink?” I asked Paul.
“I don’t know,” Paul said. “But obviously there’s something going on there that we don’t know about.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Like fucking.”
“No,” Paul said. “I don’t think that’s it. Darren has wanted you for years, even if he was a fucking dickbag about it, especially at the beginning. And you can sure as shit bet he and I are going to have words about that, let me tell you. But now that he was finally in the position to get what he wanted, he wouldn’t screw it up by banging the hipster twink.”
I grinned at him. “That’s what I’ve been calling him in my head.”
Paul rolled his eyes. “He probably Instagrams everything like food and his feelings.”
“And buys ironic print T-shirts from thrift stores.”
“And wears chunky black glasses, even though he probably has perfect eyesight.”
“As fun as this is,” Corey said, “if he’s not fucking the twink, then what’s he doing?”
“What did the text messages say?” Vince asked me.
“Like what I said,” I told him. “How much Caleb loved Darren and Darren wanted to munch his butt or something.”
“Okay,” Vince said. “But now what did they really say?”