“I will bathe in your blood.”
“Settle down there, Brosef Stalin,” Sandy said.
“Seriously,” Corey said. “Take a chill pill, Napoleon Bronaparte.”
“I hate you both so goddamn much,” I said before I whirled on my heels and stormed down the hall. I ignored the sounds of them following behind me, muffling their laughter with their hands over their mouths. I just needed to get through this tour, and we could leave. I would then drive as far into the desert as I could and leave Sandy and Corey there to die. No one would blame me. I’d probably even get a medal.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Vince.
&nbs
p; Paul: You owe me so much for this.
The response was almost immediate.
Vince: who dis
Paul: You asshole
Vince: jk i know who dis. S + C makin you mad???
Paul: They’re pretending to be bros.
Vince: bros?????
Paul: Douchebags
Vince: oh. darren sez we r bros too. we’ll have a bro-off.
Paul: I hate you too now.
Vince: lie. <3 luv u
Paul: I love you too
Sophia had regained the full wattage of her smile when we approached the entrance to the Rio Salado Ballroom. Her eyes flickered over my shoulder and widened slightly before she looked back at me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Sandy and Corey walking with heavy limps like they’d hurt themselves somehow.
“It’s how bros walk,” Corey said, giving me a thumbs-up. “Or gangstas. I’ll admit. I don’t really know what I’m doing right now, but it feels good.”
“Ignore them,” I said when I turned back to Sophia. “They were involved in an accident. Inhaled far too many chemicals. Slowed their mental capacity.”
“Oh,” Sophia said. “Those poor dears. Good on you for taking them with you.”
“Hey!” Sandy said. “I’m not slow. That’s rude and probably offensive to someone somewhere, and you know I don’t like offending people.”
“You’re rude and offensive,” I snarled at him.
“We’re not slow,” Corey told Sophia. “We’re bromosexuals.”
“And this is the Rio Salado Ballroom,” Sophia said, pushing open the doors. “While we can typically hold receptions for up to two hundred and fifty people, I understand your desire to keep the guest list much, much smaller. But given the package that you’ve purchased, this ballroom will be used. If you’d like a much more intimate experience while retaining the ambience, we have a divider that slides out of that far wall and can cut the size of the ballroom in half.”
And it really was nice, much nicer than even I remembered when we’d come here at the end of last year. The carpet under our feet was clean and looked expensive. Crystal chandeliers hung above us. The walls were dominated by large windows, offering a view on all sides. Horses were grazing in the fields around us.
“And I believe we discussed live music as part of the package you ordered,” Sophia continued. “We do have the string quartet that can play before and after the ceremony, but there is also a DJ who will play dance music for the reception.”
“Yes,” Sandy said. “Quite. Indeed. Tell me… ah, what was it? Oh yes, Sophia. This… quartet. Do they take requests?”
“I believe they do,” Sophia said, looking perplexed.