“Yeah. I love the idea of a house full of laughter and happiness, with lots of children to lavish with love and affection. I love the idea of them growing up with parents who love each other like mine do, who are loyal to each other like mine are. I love the idea of coming home and finding…”

I almost said finding you, because Lukas is always the man in my dreams of the future.

“Finding my husband, the father of my children, sitting in the living room with our son or daughter on his knee, reading them a story.”

“That sounds like a life worth living,” he says, voice husky. “How many children do you see in your future, Lori?”

“I don’t know. Four, maybe. Or even five. I’ve always wanted a big family. But even two would be okay, as long as they have siblings. I loved my childhood, but being an only child can be lonely.”

Lukas nods. “I know the feeling. I was an only child too. And so was Jamie.”

“What about you?” I ask. “I mean, if you were to start a new family, how would you want it to go?”

He looks at me for a long moment, time seeming to stretch, and then he says, “I think what you described sounds absolutely perfect.”

A sensation shoots up my body at his words, and something tells me he feels exactly the same.

Chapter Sixteen

Lukas

“How are your parents doing?” Lorena asks as she curls spaghetti onto her spoon.

I can’t stop staring at her, but every time I look for a little too long, I get closer to telling her the full truth. It’s nearly bursting out of me. Like it wants – needs – to be voiced. When we talked about Lorena’s hopes for a family in the future, it was like she was reading my mind, describing everything I want back at me.

I’m jolted back into the present, answering her question. “They’re doing very well. We speak on the phone fairly often, but they love their life in Australia.”

“Jamie always said he loved his holidays there with them.”

She visibly winces, as though just realizing she’s mentioned Jamie. That causes a hard feeling to grip me. I don’t want to have to skirt around any mention of my son, but it’s not like we’ve got much choice, short of telling him…

And what would we tell him yet? I can’t tell Jamie about how badly I want Lorena before she knows the totality of my feelings. How I want to be mine, to possess her.

“They felt so guilty when they moved away,” I tell her. “I told them I was twenty-six and I didn’t want to stand in the way of their dream. Now they spend their days fighting with the biggest spiders you can imagine and drinking samosas.”

Lorena giggles. “That sounds like quite the life, hmm?”

Nothing sounds better than the life she described. I could see it so vividly, could feel the joy bursting through me as she painted the family scene. I ache for it as deeply as a person can, right in my bones, right in my soul.

“Shall we take a walk after our meal?” I ask. “I saw a park on the drive over.”

I want to lengthen this meeting for as long as I can.

I don’t want it to ever end really.

“Sure.” She smiles. “That sounds nice.”

I hold her hand in mine as we stroll through the park. It’s a weekday and the sky is cloudy, so there aren’t many people out. But I still find myself scanning everyone, checking if they’re giving us funny looks or if they recognize us.

I hate the feeling. And the more I dwell on it, the more I realize I need to tell Lorena.

We can’t tell Jamie about this if Lorena and I aren’t clear about what this is.

But for a few minutes, I simply savor the feeling of her hand in mine, knowing it could be the last time we’re able to be together. Maybe after I tell her, she’s going to say it’s too much.

She can’t handle it. She needs time to think.

“Are you okay?” she asks as we stand at the edge of a pond, a few ducks gliding across the water.

I give her hand a squeeze. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

She cuddles closer to me. The way she does it makes me feel like we’re a real couple, like she feels completely comfortable with me. It’s the same way I feel as I raise my arm and press down on her shoulder, bringing her closer to me.

As I kiss the top of her head and I inhale the scent of her shampoo, knowing it might be the last time we ever embrace.

“You seem distant,” she says quietly. “But please tell me to mind my business if you don’t want to talk. This is only technically our first date.”

Tags: Flora Ferrari Romance
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