It seemed too wrong to ask for more information, to make him tell her the rest. But she wanted to know. She wanted so badly to understand him. To know who he was beneath all of that control.
“Then what?” She knew she was pushing. But she needed to. She didn’t know why, only that she did.
“Three days after the accident she was being moved from one bed to another. She threw a clot and that caused a major bleed in her brain. It left her with … brain damage. She couldn’t speak anymore. Sometimes she was lucid, sometimes not. She would be in pain sometimes … and she couldn’t tell anyone. She couldn’t even scream. She couldn’t tell me. Death would have been kinder.”
“How … how long …?”
“Ten years.”
“Mak …”
“I’m not telling you this to get sympathy,” he said, his voice rough. “If you have any to give, spare it for Marina, not for me. For someone who lost too much, too young.”
Eva swallowed hard, trying to keep tears from falling. Trying to keep her composure. “You loved her?”
His eyes never left hers, the lack of emotion, the void there, speaking louder than a cry of pain ever could. “For all of her life.”
“Did anyone help you care for her … did.?”
“Her family disowned her the moment she walked out of their house with the intention of marrying me. It was my fault. But that meant I was her family. I swore to take care of her, and I did. In the end that meant having twenty-four-hour nursing care in our home.”
“But at first … did you have help? Or were you all alone?”
“I couldn’t afford help. I did everything I could to build my business and take care of my wife. She deserved to be cared for. She deserved the best that she could have, to be as comfortable as she could be. I made sure that she was.”
She couldn’t comprehend it. How a man, a boy really, could endure the loss of so much and come out of it so strong. So successful.
“How did you get started in security?”
“I was always big.” he said, a half smile curving his lips. “And I lived in a tough neighborhood. I knew how to take care of myself, how to take care of those around me who were weaker. It seemed like a natural job to apply for. I did good work, so I started helping with more critical clients. I made a name for myself and eventually left the company I worked for to start my own. It’s a dangerous job, but if you’re willing to take risks, you can work your way into good money very quickly. And that was what Marina needed.”
“So everything … everything was for her.”
“Everything in my life was about her until then, why should it change after the accident? She was my wife. She sacrificed everything, her family, dreams for her future, to marry me. I could do nothing less for her.”
Eva felt that her heart would break. Felt tears stinging her eyes that she knew she couldn’t keep from falling. Tears she knew Mak wouldn’t cry for himself.
Someone had to.
“Eva.” He leaned forward and brushed his thumb over her cheek, wiped a tear away. “Don’t. Not for me.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Come here.” He tugged her to him, putting her on his lap, his arms around her, hands sliding over her hair.
“I’m supposed to be comforting you.”
“You’re the one who needs it.” He paused for a moment, his arms tightening around her. “It isn’t that I don’t feel, Eva. I have. I loved a woman very much. I grieved for her in stages. Every time she lost a bit of herself I lost a bit of myself with her. Eventually, I felt so much pain … there was no way to feel more. And now … now everything is just numb.” He shifted, his hands warm on her skin. “It’s better this way.”
She put her hand on his forearm, fingertips drifting over his skin. For the moment, he was allowing this intimacy. Allowing a connection. She didn’t know how long it would last. Didn’t know why it was happening now. But it was. And she wasn’t about to be the one to cut the contact, not when she craved it so much. Not just physically, but emotionally.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him, surrounding her, comforting her. She hoped he was finding comfort in her, because no matter what he might say or think, he had feelings. Feelings so deep his body protected him from them by hiding the extent of them. By making them numb instead of exposing him to the full trauma.