“For you to tell me something. Anything. Just … don’t be so careful about what you say all the time. Talk to me. I like it when we talk.”
“Dangerous things get said when you and I talk,” he said, rounding the table to where she was standing and pulling a chair out. He inclined his head. “Have a seat.”
“I’m …” She sat and he pushed her chair in. She couldn’t deny the truth in that. “Well, we could always talk about those other things. We could talk about last night …”
“Never mind. I used to cook for myself. A lot. That’s what I was going to say.” He sat down in the seat across from her and picked up a bowl that had already been sitting on the table, serving her a green salad before offering her bread and lamb.
“Oh.” She picked up her fork and let it hover above her salad. “I guess I just thought … you have a housekeeper.”
He nodded. “Now. I didn’t always. I worked, I cared for Marina, I made sure we both ate. But I started getting offered those high-profile jobs that were matters of international security, and with that came more money. And less time at home. So eventually I had people sharing care, household chores. In the end, I hardly even had to be home. So, I hope you’re not imagining me as a saint. I’m a pretty selfish bastard, it turns out. Sometimes I would come here to the chalet so I didn’t have to go home in between jobs.”
“That doesn’t make you selfish, Mak. You cared for her as best as you could, but it’s not like she was really your wife.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. She was my wife. In sickness and in health, yes? Or does it only mean sickness to a certain point?”
“I … no.”
“Forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live,” he said.
Eva’s heart crumpled, as though Mak had taken it and squeezed it tight in his fist. “You really did?”
“I made vows to Marina. I kept them. We were married for over ten years.”
Eva set her fork down. “But …”
“Now I’ve talked. How was your birthday?”
“Fine. But, Mak …”
“Was there something confusing about what I just said?” he bit out.
“I …” Yes. Everything about it was confusing. Her brother changed mistresses with frequency, albeit discreetly, and her father had always done the same. She’d always imagined he’d done it even when her mother had been alive, though in his way, he’d loved her mother. To hear that Mak had stayed faithful to his wife for ten years, when there was no way they could have made love … it was beyond anything she’d been shown was possible. “No. Nothing.”
“Good. What did you do today?”
“I read. Went in the hot tub again. Drank hot chocolate and looked out the window. It was very nice.”
“That’s good. Do you usually have a party?”
“Yes. But I don’t know if it really feels like it’s for me. And here I go again whining about my problems, which include opulent balls now. I have been selfish in some ways, Mak. I see that now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you have been. Everyone, no matter where they come from, wants someone to care for them based on who they are.”
“Except for you,” she said, gently.
“Well, I’ve had it. And it can be wonderful. And then when you lose it, you’re very conscious of how great a loss it is.”
“That I do understand. My mother … she cared about me. About us. So very much. I got the feeling that there was nothing I could do that would make her see me as anything less than perfect. With my father, it’s sort of the opposite problem.”
“I’m sure he loves you.”
“Like Marina’s family loved her?”
His expression hardened. “I was foolish. I asked her to go against their wishes.”
“But shouldn’t real family just want you to be happy? You’re a good man, Mak. Why didn’t they want her to marry you?”
“We were young. Too young. They were thought it would ruin her life. It turned out they weren’t far from the truth.”