I swallow the lump in my throat and try to take a few deep breaths. I’m the next Capo, after all. I can’t be weak or show weakness, so I know I only have a few human moments left before I give them my back while they most likely kiss under the stars, and I walk back into the house to do my job.
My job is my life now.
My lover.
My past, present, future.
She’s just a girl I’ll put a ring on and smile with during family dinner while everyone else has kids, experiences passion, fights, chaos—I’ll sit there with a perfect smile on my face and pretend that everything’s perfect.
And at night, I’ll stupidly dream of a world where the person I married looks at me the way I’ve always secretly looked at her.
How fun.
A future of self-inflicted torture.
Can’t wait.
Eyes still closed, Del stays that way like he’s her center when all I’ve ever wanted in the last six months is to take that position away from him, even though I know I haven’t earned it.
Does it matter, though? In the end? When she’s his? He’s hers?
No. Every part of my body tells me no. Even the beat of my stupid heart seems to take up the cadence.
Nope. Doesn’t matter.
Because no matter how many gifts I shower her with, how many compliments, the heart wants what it wants.
Mine wants hers.
Hers wants his.
Five seconds.
Four.
Three.
Two.
I smile and lower my head, then I give them the privacy they deserve. Her and her bodyguard.
“Keep her safe,” I whisper. “With your life, Roman.”
And I hear the whisper of his promise in the wind answering, “I will.”
Chapter Four
“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.” —Edgar Allen Poe
Del
I’ve grown up knowing I’d eventually be a pawn. I don’t hate my family; I just don’t love them either.
But Roman, Roman’s always been there for me since the beginning of me attempting to go against my father. It’s been months, and it feels like years.
Now he’s here with me. Seriously? As my personal bodyguard? For King to do that, knowing what I know about him…
I shake my head as Roman rests his chin on top of it. “We should go in soon.”
His whisper wraps around me just like his arms. I feel safe, secure, beautiful as I exhale and enjoy the moment. “I know.”
“It was kind of him,” he finally says.
I don’t want to talk about King because then I feel guilty. He’s strong, one of the strongest guys I’ve ever met other than Roman, so part of me feels horrible that his new reality is watching the man I love stand by my side even after King says his vows to keep me forever.
I’m resolute, though.
I’ve sacrificed everything for this family, for this life. I’m going to keep this one thing for me, especially since my fiancé freely gave it.
King’s gaze has always been filled with lust, with barely restrained passion. I always chalked it up to the fact that he slept with everyone that gave him a sidelong glance. Then, when I got to know him, I found out that there was so much more beneath the surface.
We all have a freaking part to play.
And he plays his beautifully. One might say he acts like a playboy during the day and a monster at night. And they’d be correct.
The first time I saw him come home with blood on his hands, I did a double-take. The bosses were all sitting around for a quick meeting.
His dad, Tex, the Capo, stood and simply asked, “Is it done?”
“I need a drink.” King winked and then slammed a bloodied knife onto the table in front of everyone. Even my uncle jumped. “Oh yeah, and it’s done. Took a few minutes, though, to get some of those fucking bones broken but he’s very cheerfully stuffed into a suitcase with a one-way ticket to the bottom of Lake Michigan.”
“Damn.” Phoenix had chuckled under his breath—the man never chuckled.
And once again, the Five Families proved to the ones trickling in from Italy—mine included, the Buratti Family—that they meant business and that if we wanted any part of what they had…
Sacrifices must be made.
Me included.
I shudder.
“Are you cold?” Roman asks.
“No, no.” I lick my lips and think back on that moment again.
King’s green eyes had met mine with raw lust; everything had slipped from his gaze as he looked, as he wanted, as he told me with his eyes that the best way to end that night would be with me naked and screaming beneath him.
His lips curled up into an amused smile before he crooked his finger toward me.
I followed, like an idiot, down the hall.
We walked until we came to one of the many large guest rooms.
He’d closed the door behind him, locking us in. “You were staring.”