It wasn’t too late to change her mind about leaving, either. And if she stayed? She could go in search of Kell. She could at least tell him she loved him.
It would be craven to slink away before she knew for certain what he truly felt for her. She could demand he tell her unequivocally, to her face, that he couldn’t forgive her, that he would never come to love her, that he wanted her out of his life.
And if he said all those things? Fear curled in Raven’s stomach at the possibility.
Then she would simply have to make him change his mind. She would have to fight to win his love. But first she would have to find him. She would tell the captain she couldn’t sail-
Just then she felt a weight settle beside her.
Raven froze, certain she was imagining the hard arms that lifted her up and gathered her close against a warm male chest, the fervent lips that brushed her temple…
“Raven…God, please, love…don’t cry.”
Kell. Her tears arresting completely, she stared up at him, searching the chiseled planes of his beloved face. Dear heaven, was her imagination playing dreadful tricks on her? Was he a fantasy?
Scarcely daring to breathe, she reached up to touch his scarred cheek, feeling the cruel ridge, the warm texture of his skin. He was truly real.
A startling joy spread through her, succeeded instantly by a sinking despair as she remembered their circumstances.
“What are you doing here?”
His mouth twisted in the semblance of a smile. “At the moment I am embracing you.”
“No, I mean…why are you here?”
The intensity of his dark eyes never wavered. “Because I received word that my beautiful wife intended to desert me, and I desperately hoped to stop her.”
She sat up on the narrow bunk, dashing absently at her tears.
Kell leaned back against the bulkhead, surveying her. “I was in Ireland, making plans to return to London, when Dare came to fetch me.”
Her eyes widened. “Dare went all the way to Ireland to find you?”
“Yes…and barely in time, it seems. I rode like a madman to get here before you sailed.”
For the first time she noticed Kell’s mud-spattered clothing, the dark stubble on his chin, his bleary eyes.
A shadow touched his face. “I feared I might be too late. But if so, I would have followed you.”
Raven squeezed her eyes shut, not knowing how to interpret his pronouncement. “I thought you hated me for making you lose your brother.”
“Oh, God, I could never, ever hate you, Raven. Come here.”
Reaching for her, Kell again drew her against his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. “I needed to sort some things out in my mind. To try to come to terms with Sean’s death.”
Raven took a deep breath, afraid to hope. “And did you?”
Kell sighed. “As much as possible. Sean was a tormented soul, I know, but it tormented me that I couldn’t help him. I see now that I was trying to punish myself for being unable to save him.”
She was silent a moment, listening to the solid beat of his heart. Could she dare believe that Kell had come to terms with his grief and guilt? That he had been able to give up his burden of self-blame?
Raven could feel her own heart thudding as she searched for the right words. “Emma says that you have a fierce need to rescue anyone in distress, but I don’t think you could have done anything to save Sean.”
“I realize that now. If I had acted sooner, perhaps…But Sean was to blame for his own destructive actions.” Kell tilted her face up to his, gazing deeply into her eyes. “I’m sorry for everything he did to you, Raven. I’m so sorry about O’Malley?
??”
Raven felt an agonizing twist of pain at the remembrance. Her sorrow at O’Malley’s death would always be with her, but she knew her friend wouldn’t want her to spend her life grieving for him.