There is a small part of me that wishes he would notice me. Look at me, Henry. Please look at me. Yet at the same time, I don’t want him to do anything obvious that she would notice. Why? Because I want to keep him. In my pocket. In my head. And right next to my heart.
Breaking focus, my eyes shift to the floor and the neutral colors in the tile blur in my peripheral vision. A screechy feminine laugh throbs in my ears and I look up. Callie’s chestnut hair bounces on her shoulders as her laughter dies down.
Henry smiles wide. The sight of his smile cuts me open. He’s feeding on my soul and he doesn’t even know it. I crumble as his radiant blue eyes sparkle. He’s only focused on her. Gazing at her adoringly, he brushes his fingertips along her cheeks and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.
I exhale. I’d convinced myself that seeing him with her wouldn’t bother me, but it does. I’d told myself that even though he’d never show me any affection in public I’d be okay with it, but I’m not. The hurt squirms inside of me like maggots feeding off of a decayed carcass. I’m open. Exposed. I’m dying inside and I do everything I can to hide it.
“Hey!”
The locker behind me slams and I jump. Panting, I clutch my chest. “Rosa.” I catch my breath. “What the hell?”
“Dude. WTF. I like texted a million times and called you last night. You pissed at me or something?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Then what’s with you ignoring me?”
“I was just busy!” I snap.
“Whoa! Someone’s got a lil PMS.”
“I’m just on edge. I wasn’t ready to come back to school.”
“Who was? I’d rather be anywhere than here.”
Rosa peers around me and giggles, pushing her red metallic framed glasses higher up on the bridge of her nose. “What’s so interesting?”
“Huh?”
“What were you looking at? You looked like you were daydreaming.”
I grab a folder from my locker and close the door. “Nothing.”
I’m lying to her and the fact that I’m being secretive with my best friend kills me. I trust her, but this is between me and Henry.
“Ugh,” Rosa groans as she pushes herself away from the locker with her foot. She moves next to me and hugs her books tightly. “Doesn’t that make you nauseous?”
I’m too afraid to look. Too afraid the jealousy that’s beginning to eat me alive will escalate to the point where I run down the hall, screaming like a lunatic off her meds.
Rosa narrows her deep brown eyes and shakes her head. “Seriously you two! Get a freakin’ room!”
The thought of witnessing the PDA is too tempting. I curse myself as I spin around. Why do I always let my curiosity get the best of me? A sigh of relief whooshes from my lips. “It’s only Noah and Holly.”
Rosa glares at me incredulously. “Only Noah and Holly. What do you mean by that?”
She’s giving me a questioning look. Can she hear the sound of relief in voice? Does she know I’m hiding something from her? “Um. Uh…” Quick, come up with something. “Last year they made out like that every day.”
We walk down the hall and Rosa tucks her blue-black side bang behind her ear. “That doesn’t make it right.” As we pass Noah and Holly she yells, “Nobody wants to witness your peep show!”
Noah flips her off, exposing the half-chipped black nail polish on his middle finger. He keeps his hand out, still lip-locked with Holly.
Rosa shrugs. “I guess some things never change.”
****
Every year, the first day of school always seems to breeze by. That’s probably because the teachers only have enough time each period to pass out books and assign seats. In a few of my classes my teachers went around the room and made the students talk about what we did over the summer.
My summer. The summer of love. Thoughts of Henry remain constant as I tell some lame ass fabrication of a story about spending time at my aunt’s summer house on Lake Michigan. Sometimes I surprise myself because I can be such an amazing con and liar. The whole time I’m talking I’m fighting off the vivid pictures of him in my mind. His lips brushing against my ear. “I love you.” A whisper that sent chills throughout my body. His teeth graze my earlobe and I’m unglued and mad—crazy with the fire I feel growing inside of me for him. “I want you,” he’d murmured. “You. Only you.” The flashbacks are so real that I believe they are actually happening and I hope I’m not flinching in front of everyone. I stifle a look around the classroom. Nobody is paying attention. Thank God.