find words. I’m having a hard time breathing, thinking clearly, and keeping myself from shaking. That was the lowest point of my life. Something I couldn’t control, but still the absolute lowest of lows. I hate thinking about it, but I can’t help it. This man sitting across from me, as dark and tortured and bad as he claims to be, is my hero. Finally, I clear my voice and the words come out shaky. “I can’t…I can’t.” I swallow hard. “No one has ever done anything like that for me.”
Sean touches my shoulder and I face him, blinking back tears. I don’t want to cry in front of him, but I’m having a hard time holding everything back. A solemn look crosses over his features and he lifts his hand to my face, wiping my tears away with a gentle sweep of his thumb. “No tears.” He sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.” He lets out a soft, shaky laugh. “It’s your birthday and I’ve ruined it with my slip of the tongue.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m just overly emotional. I’m just glad you’re here.”
He cups my chin and stares at me for a moment. He moves closer, and closer, and closer until his lips are a breath away from mine. I can taste his cinnamon breath as his lips part and I think he might kiss me. My nerves start balling together somewhere inside of me and I’m not sure of what to do.
Do I feel safe with him?
Yes.
Do I trust him?
Absolutely. If I can trust him with my life, I can trust him with anything.
But am I afraid to take what he and I have to the next level?
You freaking bet.
My experience with guys is limited.
And I’ve heard plently of stories about Sean from women at the gym to know he doesn’t have a virginal bone in his body.
He’s still an inch away from my face. I can still feel his warm breath as it caresses my cheek, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I close my eyes and wait for his kiss. Lips parted. Heavy breaths. Racing heart.
But it doesn’t come.
Then I hear him say, “Not now. Not here. Not like this.”
My eyes snap open and he’s propped in the corner of his seat. He looks sexy positioned that way. With his tight fitted back v-neck wrapping around his muscled arms, showcasing his tattoo’s, and his faded jeans secured around his waist, but loose around his thighs. He watches me curiously for a second, his hand against his mouth the he nods at the window. “Come on.”
I’m confused. “Where are we?”
He smiles, dimples denting his cheeks and I’m thankful I’m not standing because seeing him smile like that takes my breath away, and I’m sure it would make my knees buckle. “So inquisitive,” he says with a smirk. “Do you trust me?”
“I do,” I blurt out fast. It’s weird that I’m sure I can trust him. But somehow I know it and can feel it in my bones that he’s loyal. Deep down I know he’s a good person. He’s just a bit misunderstood.
The times I’ve been around him, he’s always telling me that he’s not a good guy, but I don’t understand his self-loathing. He’s beautiful. Driven. Yes, sometimes cocky. Okay, he’s cocky a lot. Sometimes cold and moody. But deep down inside I know there’s a good person. I just know it. Bad people don’t go around saving lives. Bad people don’t stand up for the people they care about. I think Sean is too harsh on himself.
He opens the car door and gets out. I wait a second before following him only to discover that he’s walking around to open the door for me. He laces his fingers through mine and helps me out of the car before walking me around the front end. I gaze out into the miles of endless night sky and flat cleared land.
We’re in an open field.
He brought me to a field.
“What is this place?” I ask, puzzled. Sean laughs and secures both hands around my waist, hoisting me up onto the hood of his Navigator.
He laughs again then climbs up next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I own this land,” he tells me as I settle my head into the crook of his arm. “It’s the one place I come to when I need to clear my head. You’re the first woman I’ve ever brought here.”
I stare up at him through my lashes. “Not even Teagan?”
Another laugh and I can feel the vibration exciting his core. “Not even Teagan.”
“So why me then?” I really do want to know this. This guy could have the woman of his choosing. He’s jaw-dropping gorgeous. Rich. A decent human being. And has a body that puts David Beckham’s to shame.
He stares out into the wide open space and squints his eyes. “I’ve never had that deep connection with a woman. You know the connection you feel where you want more than just a few rounds of hot, nasty sex.” I blush and look down at my hands when he mentions those words. “I’ve never felt that connection until I saw you again. Finally, after all this time I’ve realized that I want more and I want it with you.”
“I’m flattered Sean, but—”