‘I hardly think it’s the same as...’
At that moment Lucky snuck his head out from beneath the sofa and wound himself around Lukas’s legs. Half expecting Lukas to ignore him, Eleanore was surprised when he bent down and picked him up. He stroked his fur and the two of them stared at each other for a minute. Then Lucky lifted his nose to Lukas’s for a cat kiss. Eleanore wanted to tell him not to waste his time. That his affections were fickle.
‘He’s grown.’
‘Yes.’ Her throat was clogged and her knees started trembling as it set in that Lukas was really standing in her living room. ‘Lukas, please tell me what you want? Is it something to do with the ice hotel?’
‘It’s nothing to do with the hotel.’ His gaze shifted from her to the view outside her windows and then straight back. ‘It’s you.’
‘Me? What have I done?’
‘You haven’t done anything. Well, you have but...I want you.’
He saw the moment recognition of what he was saying lit her eyes and she wasn’t happy.
‘That’s cheap. You couldn’t find any other woman in Russia to have sex with?’
Lukas might have laughed if he didn’t feel that his whole life was hanging in the balance. She was angry with him so that had to be a good sign. Anger was better than apathy. Or worse, pity. Wasn’t it?
He took a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to have sex with any other woman in Russia. Or London. Or anywhere.’
‘Too bad...’
‘I want to make love with a woman in New York.’
‘I hope you brought your little black book with you.’
‘You, moya krasavitsa. I want to make love with you. For ever.’
She blinked at him as if she couldn’t understand what he’d said. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Tell me that popka from the art gallery is not important to you.’
‘That what?’ She frowned. ‘Never mind. Would you forget him? He’s nobody.’
‘Ah, that is music to my ears.’
Lukas stepped closer to her and threaded his fingers through hers. When she didn’t immediately pull away his heart beat a little quicker. He breathed in deep and the scent of apples calmed him.
‘Lukas, I...’
‘I’ve missed you. I’ve missed looking at you and talking to you. I’ve missed touching you and just holding you. I know I don’t deserve you but I want you, Eleanore. No one else can drive out the coldness inside me the way you can.’
Eleanore felt dazed. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘It is simple. I love you.’
‘If that were true...if it was, then why did you cancel the past two weekends?’
His hands squeezed hers. ‘Because I was terrified. Right from the start I knew you were different from any woman I had met before and I didn’t dare let myself hope for more. Then when I saw how happy you were over your sister’s job offer at the party I expected you to choose Harrington’s over me and you did.’
‘But you didn’t let on that you wanted anything else from me. Not seriously.’
‘I know my actions don’t seem to make sense but...after my mother abandoned me I tried to find her. For years I searched for her without success. And then one day I did. I stumbled across her in the street. I was sure I was mistaken. She was with a man. I don’t remember him, but I do remember her. To me she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and I can’t explain the joy I felt in that moment; the sense that finally I wouldn’t be scared any more. That I wouldn’t be alone.’
Eleanore’s heart gripped at the pain she saw etched onto Lukas’s face. ‘What happened?’
Her voice seemed to rouse him from a nasty place no child should ever have to go and he glanced at their joined hands as if he only just realised he was holding her. He smiled faintly. ‘She pretended she didn’t know who I was.’
‘Oh, Lukas.’
‘Then she walked away and she took my heart with her. After that I vowed I would never feel that vulnerable again. I vowed that I would never risk feeling anything for a woman again. I can’t seem to help it with you.’ His eyes held hers. ‘I love you, Eleanore. I love everything about you.’
Eleanore felt a watery grin slip across her face. ‘You do?’
‘Completely. Totally. Absolyutno.’
Tears trembled on her lashes. She loosened his grip on her fingers and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, burying her nose against his chest. ‘I love you too. I love you so much it scares me.’