You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

His chest is pushing against my back and I’m gulping in huge breaths as I try to rein in the white hot terror, it’s H, he won’t hurt me.

“It’s me, nothing bad is going to happen. I’ve got you,” his words register, and it’s like a balm to my nerves as my breathing steadies out.

One of his arms comes around my front and I can feel his hand splayed out across my stomach, whilst his other comes over my shoulder and across my chest. I lean my head back and release my sigh as his scent fills me and I can’t help but remember why I love being in his arms. Because he’s real, he doesn’t hide who he is, and he gets me. Even now he knows what I need, to be held and feel safe. And when I start to struggle with the proximity he whispers in my ear and soothes me once again.

FIVE

HAS it really been a month since Harrison decided to take it upon himself to help me overcome my demons? I may not be there yet, but it is unbelievable how much better I sleep now that I can have them both in my room with me. I still can’t handle it when H loses his cool but he’s trying his hardest to remain calm when I’m around. Noah just seems happy to be able to hold me again, it doesn’t always work out and I still have my freak-outs but I think I’m getting better.

“Hey my love,” Noah’s deep timbre still makes me melt, and I’m not even flinching as he folds his arms over my shoulders and pulls me back to rest against him.

“Mmm hey Noah bear, shouldn’t you be in class?” I reply, as my eyes flutter closed and a soft smile is already forming on my face.

“We got let out early today,” he’s holding something back, I can feel it. His tone is unsure, and he sounds as guilty as hell, what has he done?

Turning around, I forget all about my flashbacks until we’re standing face to face and my hands are resting against the planes of his chest.

“Noah, I see you,” my voice waivers under the relief that I haven’t been incapacitated by fear and the fact that I am only seeing him and his gorgeous eyes looking back at me.

His smile is lighting up the entirety of his face and I can’t get the silly grin off my face, it almost makes me forget about whatever it is he has to say. Almost.

“Elijah called today,” those three words feel as though I’ve had a bucket of ice poured over me. At least he didn’t beat around the bush, I guess I have to give him that.

“What did he want?” My voice is colder than the arctic and I know he doesn’t miss it, I miss Elijah and I hate to admit that I miss Amias as well. Not that it changes anything for me.

“He wants to see you and he wanted to know if I thought you would be open to it, I told him it wasn’t my place to say and if he really wants to see you then he should ask you himself. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you,” he says, resting his hands on my hips and pulling me into him. There’s a slight friction caused by his action and we are both frozen in time just staring at one another.

I can feel my cheeks heating under his gaze and I can’t miss the way he is moving his lower half, so it’s no longer pressing against me.

“Noah,” his name is a whisper or maybe it's a prayer. For something good, something real. A new memory to push the bad even further away until I can bury them for good. He swallows hard and I’m transfixed on the movement, just watching his throat moving up and down.

“Leighbear, what’s happening?” he asks, his grip tightening enough to bruise but the fear is gone and I’m hoping it will stay that way. It’s been seven months, I need to feel. That’s all I want, to feel.

“I want to feel like me again and I’m safe with you, you’ve always made me feel safe and like I can be however I need at that moment. Right now, in this moment, I need to feel wanted, and as though I am no longer broken. Please Noah,” I hate that I’m practically begging for this, but it will all be worth it if he agrees.

I lost it to Noah, it’s only natural that he is the one I want to be my first all over again. No born again virgin rubbish, but I need to know I can do this, that I am still a woman.

“Are you sure?” his tone is dark with need and it’s eliciting shivers all over me, I can’t stop to think as I push myself flush against him. My breasts straining again

st his chest as I step up onto my tiptoes and brush my lips against his lightly, once, twice and then again. I can feel his exhale wash over me, as I run my thumb over his bottom lip and stare as it pops back into place before capturing it between my teeth.

“I’m sure Noah, for me it will always be you. My light in the darkness, I can always find my way home when you’re around because you are my home,” tears fall down my cheeks as he scoops me into his arms and captures my lips with his own.

He doesn’t watch where he’s walking as he kisses me slowly, almost as though he is worshipping me with his mouth. His tongue gliding over the seam of my lips, seeking entrance that I have no power to refuse. How did I not realise we had made it to his room until my back hits his mattress and he settles himself between my parted thighs? I can feel his hardness pushing against me and he moves his hips, so he’s rubbing against me over and over again with every kiss and swipe of his tongue.

“This needs to come off,” I say, as I tug at the hem of his shirt and he is wasting no time in pulling it over his head. I swallow loudly as I take in his body, it may not be the first time but it feels like it. My eyes can’t stop drinking him in and I feel as though I’m about to die from thirst.

He comes back to me, but my hand on his stomach stops him as I push him back and pull my own top free before standing to push my shorts over my legs. Although for some reason, he stops me from taking off my underwear and I can’t help but wonder if he is having second doubts.

“Lie down my love, I’m not going to stop until all you can think about is what I am doing to you and all you can remember is me and you,” his words set the embers that I thought had died out into a blazing inferno and I fall back down onto the mattress and prop myself up on my elbows.

He trails kisses up from my ankle, to the tender spot behind my knee and over my thigh. He moves up the inside and comes to a halt when he reaches my core, still covered by the cotton fabric of my knickers. I expect him to pull them down or move them aside but instead he’s closing his mouth over the fabric and pulling at my clit with his teeth. My back arches up from the bed as my fingers fly into his hair, groans filling his room and it's all I can do to not buck up off the bed when he slips a finger inside my knickers and slowly pushes his way inside me.

“Noah,” his name is a moan on my lips and my eyes are rolling to the back of my skull until he moves away. I don’t know how to handle the sudden departure until a ripping sound fills the air and his mouth returns to my now naked clit. He ripped my bloody knickers, they were my comfiest pair.

He keeps up the speed with his finger, as he pushes another inside and continues to suck and lick and he doesn’t pull away until I’m writhing beneath his face and exploding across his hand. He captures every last drop, drinking me in before moving up my body and hovering his face over mine.

“I love you Henleigh Monterey,” he says as he brushes my hair from my damp face, before covering his hard cock with a condom and lining himself up with my entrance.