You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

He doesn’t push his way inside straight away, instead he moves it up and down. Stroking my clit with his tip and threatening to make me fall apart all over again. His eyes meet mine and I can not stop looking at them, overjoyed that I can only see him.

“I love you too Noah Wallace,” I reply as I pull his face down until our mouths are pressed together, and he finally slips his way inside.

We don’t rush, taking our time to reacquaint with one another. There’s no rush, just pleasure, tenderness and a lot of love.

I MUST HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP, because when I open my eyes it isn’t only me and Noah in the room. I can’t see who else is in here but I know Noah is still beneath me and panic is bombarding my system as I turn my head and my gaze falls onto H. I can tell it's him by his outline, but his face is enshrouded in shadows and I’m scared. Not of him, but of what I may see.

“H,” I say it quietly as I move off Noah and slip his top over my head and I’m glad it falls mid thigh.

“It’s okay,” he says, as he steps closer with a sad smile on his face, I don’t understand the smile but I hate that he feels sad because of me.

“Please don’t read anything into this,” I plead with him and I can’t deny how relieved I feel as I reach for him and he doesn’t pull away.

“Woman it’s okay, am I bummed that it wasn’t me, of course I am. But this is about you and what you need to heal and if that means Noah, then I can live with that,” he falls down into the armchair that Noah has in his room and I’m not wasting any time to sit and curl up on his lap.

“H,” his eyes meet mine as I stroke my fingers across his face, “I don’t think we can be enemies for life anymore,” I say it quietly as I nuzzle against him.

“I think that stopped applying to us a long time ago, I love you Henleigh,” his mouth claims mine and my heart is in my throat.

“I love you too,” no truer words have ever been spoken.

I GUESS a lot of people would feel embarrassed to be woken up by the guy they slept with, while curled up on another guy’s lap. I don’t though, how can I when the guy in question has nothing but an understanding look in his eye and a smile on his face.

“Next time, just get in the bed,” he says with a laugh and I can feel H’s chest vibrate against me with his own laugh.

“I didn’t want to intrude,” he says and I can’t help but snort at his response, it’s ridiculous.

“Stealing her cuddles is better by far,” Noah says with a wink, as he shakes his head and leaves the room, his laugh carrying across the air even as his footsteps sound on the stairs.

“I like that you two have become friends,” I drop a kiss upon his mouth, as I stand up and walk into my room.

If Noah is downstairs, then he must be making breakfast and I do not want to miss out on that. I’ve missed a lot of meals with the guys lately but I’m trying to make more of an effort, and that means with the girls as well.

Roxie has been great with me needing my space, especially from the band and all things music related, but I need to stop pushing them away. It isn’t their fault I can’t play the guitar anymore. Ever since Dante broke my fingers back in the basement, they just haven’t worked the same way, but if that’s the only thing that has been taken from me during this entire ordeal then I guess I should count myself lucky.

I shoot a quick text off to invite them over for the weekend before having a quick shower, I’m not going to wait for a response or worry if they don’t reply. I’m done with fearing everything, I know it isn’t as simple as just deciding it but I need to at least make the effort to deal with everything.

Walking downstairs, with the book clutched to my chest is making my heart race faster than the bullet train in Japan. This is a huge step for me but I think I’m finally ready.

“Hey Leighbear, grab a seat and I’ll bring it over to you once it’s dished up,” Noah says, barely glancing my way. At least I have a few moments to settle my nerves, although I’m not entirely sure that is a good thing right now. It just gives me more time to talk myself out of it.

Harrison drops down in the seat beside me and I can’t miss the way his eyes go to the book I’m clutching in a death grip.

“What’s going on?” He asks as Noah places plates before us and claims the seat on the other side of me for himself.

“I have something that you guys need to see, I’ve been fighting with myself to give you this for months but I’m trying to stop fear from ruling my every decision,” I say as I slowly push the journal into the centre of the table and close my eyes.

I don’t know who picks it up first, all I can feel is a pair of arms wrapping around me from behind and I know by his scent that it's Noah.

“You don’t need to do this,” he says, dropping feather like kisses down the side of my face.

“Yes I do, you need to know what happened when I was trapped in that basement and I can’t bring myself to talk about it with you guys, so this is the alternative. I just don’t want you to look at me differently once you read it, either of you,” it slips out and I feel so raw. It’s the one thing that terrifies me, the fear of seeing them look at me with pity in their eyes. I never want to feel or see that from them.

“You are the strongest person we know, nothing will change that. I know what you’re scared of, woman, I felt the same way when I woke up from my coma. Believe me, you’ve got nothing to worry about where we’re concerned,” H says it gruffly and I know he means every word, Harrison isn’t a liar and that’s one thing I know I can always count on, his honesty.

“I’ve also invited the girls to come up for the weekend and I’m considering hearing Elijah out, even if it is only for closure,” I say through a deep exhale, not knowing how he’ll feel about that one.

“We support you Leighbear always, but does this mean you’re extending the same branch to Amias as well?” Noah asks and I can’t tell what answer he’s hoping for but then again, I’m answering for myself. “No,” nothing else needs to be said on the matter, Amias went too deep into my soul and left me a bloody mess, I won’t let him back in to do it for a second time.