You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“Not happening, I’ve had enough of being followed around to last me a lifetime. I’m not doing it again,” I state, and I will not be talked down from this decision. I’m not being followed, no fucking way.

“It’ll be different this time Leighbear, it won’t be behind your back and if you ask him to give you some space he will. It’s only to keep you safe, none of us want anything to happen to you, we can’t bear to lose you,” his voice is cracking under the pain that is crying out to me.

“I’m kind of with them on this one woman, I’ll do anything to keep you safe, we all will,” H is holding my hand and trying to make me look at him.

I get why they’re saying this, but I’m feeling pretty ganged up on right now. What about what I want, of course I don’t want to fall prey to Dante again but it doesn’t mean I want to just accept something that I’m being railroaded into.

“What if I say no,” I’m sticking my chin out and meeting Noah’s eyes, that he now decides to lift away from his fascinating hands.

“Then he won’t send him down, it’s your choice my love. We’ll support whatever decision you make,” That’s all I needed to hear I guess. I just wanted to know that my life wasn’t going to be dictated to me, that I still have a semblance of control.

“Do I get to meet the guy before he starts tracking my every move?” I ask as I sigh deeply, and they’re not even trying to hide their shit eating grins at my obvious agreement.

“Apparently you already have.”

SERIOUSLY, what are the chances. Because if I knew it would be him walking through my door today I may have hid in my room like a little girl.

“Hello little Hen,” says Devy as he smiles at me, and he needs to work on injecting some warmth into the look. Because right now, he’s promising a world of pain and I don’t think that’s the look he’s going for. At least I hope not.

“You’re the guy who’s following me,” shit did I just scream that at him?

“No hug from my little sister,” he says, while raising his eyebrows, as if I could deny him that simple little gesture. Henleigh, meet reality check.

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” it falls out before the tears start to fall and I charge my way up to my room and slam the door.

I ignore the way the guys call for me as I fall against the door, and slide down it until I’m sitting against the wood and drawing my knees up into my chest. I wish I was six years old again, times were simpler then. Maybe not in reality, but my young brain perceived it that way. And I would give anything to feel that carefree, that protected once again. When the only monsters I had to face were the ones under my bed or hiding in my wardrobe, the same ones my brothers would scare away and show me that it was all within my incredible little mind.

10TH FEBRUARY 2009

It happened again, she wouldn’t go asleep until we proved that nothing lurked within her wardrobe. I’ve had enough of this, I can’t handle lying to her anymore. It isn’t all in her mind, the monsters are real and our parents are welcoming them into our home. I found one of them coming out of Hen’s room once, luckily she was at Asher’s house playing with his cousin. Only I can’t be certain this is the only time it's happened, what if Hen has seen this before and her mind conjured up the monster? We’ve never questioned her about it or asked her to describe what she sees, mainly because I think we’re too scared to. We need to believe that she is oblivious to all this shit, it’s okay though. This time next year, we’ll be long gone and she’ll never have a reason to fear anything again.

Besides, it’s not like this particular twat will be showing his face again. Not after what we did to him. I guess his one saving grace, he’ll never have to visit a dentist. I thought I would balk when Dante started pulling them out, but I stood my ground and watched. The fucker deserved it. He took fucking drugs in my sister’s room and didn’t even remove the needle, what if she had found it. My parents are a joke and I’m done with them. They’re dead to me and I’m done listening to their rules.

I know what a true family is, it’s the guys and Hen and everyone in the Black Heart. They may not be good guys, but they are the best guys I know.

Devon only proved that fact to me even more, yesterday when that girl approached him broken and alone and he didn’t even blink when she asked him to help her.

Her scumbag of a boyfriend had tried to force himself upon her and when she refused, he beat her. Broke her nose and left a mosaic of bruises upon her face, he even had the audacity to tell her that she was lucky he didn't like his girls to look like dogs when he’s looking down at them. But if she refused him again, then he’d just give her to his mates and they wouldn’t be as kind and understanding.

That was the moment I saw just how scary Devon and the guys could be, no one second guessed him when he told Asher to take her to the pub and to get his foster mum to check her over. The rest of us went with him and I will never unhear the screams he caused within that waste of space or the sight of the blood that he spilled. He hit the guy so hard that he ruptured one of his eyes, he broke all of his fingers in such a way they’ll never heal right again. Making it clear what happens to guys that don’t like to take no for an answer and then he removed his tongue, another lesson of what happens to guys who threaten a lady. He even got us to go a few rounds with him, we didn’t go further than punching or kicking, but we all made our mark. On him and on our souls, so I may not get to go to heaven, I have no regrets. He deserved it and I’ll happily teach a lesson to every piece of shite in this world. Have No Regrets and Never Apologise. Our very own motto.

Oh yeah, I don’t think we’ll be getting anymore reports from him again, and the girl had no idea what to make of Devon when we returned. He didn’t bother to clean away the blood, and it was clear that none of it belonged to him. He told her that the piece of shit wouldn’t be bothering her again and she thanked us, before she scampered away. I don’t think we’ll see her again, but I know I’ll never forget her face or the way she looked at us like we were heroes, no one ever looks at us like that. Other than Hen.

“LITTLE HEN, come on please let me in,” says Devon, he really needs to work on putting some warmth into his tone. Does he have to sound so angry and broody all the damn time?

“Or what, you’ll huff and you’ll puff,” I throw back and his laughter filters through the wood and I can’t help but smile.

“I can be the big bad wolf if you want or I could kick your door down.”

“I can hear you smiling and you don’t scare me Devy Wevy, you never have and you never will,” I fire back but I am going to open the door now.

He’s looking down at me with the most gentle face he can muster, I don’t think anyone else would deem it gentle but they don’t know him like I do. Or at least like I did.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks and I want to laugh at the awkward look on his face.

“Not really, I jus

t haven’t been great with all that touching crap since you rescued me. I hate it, but it’s just the way it is now,” if he doesn’t pick up on the sound of defeat in my voice, then he really needs to work on his listening skills.