You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“I’m going to hug you little sister but if it’s too much, then I’ll let you go. How does that sound?” He says it as though we’re discussing the best way to cut out the majority of traffic, so we can get to town. Can it be that simple? Maybe not for everyone but Devy was my guardian for so long, I guess it could work with him.

He doesn’t close the distance slowly, he just grabs hold of my shoulders and pulls me into him. He’s gentle which seems so wrong for him, but he’s a walking contradiction half the time anyway. He’s rubbing circles over my back and I’m squeezing my eyes closed, I don’t want to pull away but I think I need to.

He smiles at me, although on him it’s more of a grimace and ruffles my hair with his huge hand which I have no hesitation in slapping away.

“It’ll get easier, you just have to want it. I’m here little sister,” he drops a kiss onto the top of my head before turning to leave but my hand on his bicep — how is it so hard — makes him stop.

“Are you the one following me around? Doesn’t really fit your image Devy,” I don’t know if I want him to say yes or no, but I think it would be easier if he wasn’t the one staying with me . He’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

“No, I have other things I have to do and following a nineteen year old is not my idea of fun. I’m just here to spend a little time with you before I have to get back to London and to introduce you to your bodyguard properly,” he’s smiling and I don’t like it. If it’s who I think it is, then all bets are off.

“I swear to God above Devon, if I go down there and see Amias I will wring your thick fucking neck. It will be difficult but I will make it happen,” my reaction makes his smile turn more genuine and fill with nothing but affection. Is it any wonder I’m so messed up.

“As if I would ever put that numpty twat in charge of keeping you safe. Besides, he’s no longer apart of the group, he left long before all that shit went down. He only came to me because he was worried,” he’s growling again, I wonder how many people cower at his growl or dark, murderous stare? “He’s a little shite and I have no place for him, but he did help us find your location when we lost track of you,” his mouth is turned down at the corners. Probably thinking about the ways I could lose my new guard if I changed my mind.

“You had him beaten Devy, I can’t wrap my head around that. I knew you were pissed at him but you never would have done that to our guys,” I don’t want to sound disappointed but I can’t keep it from my voice.

“You really think I would do something like that?” There’s a coldness to his tone that I haven’t been subjected to before, this isn’t Devy my guardian, this is Devon ex prisoner. I shake my head, because it didn’t fit in my mind, but why else would he do it?

“Henleigh, you’re a smart girl. The smartest I know and a hell of a lot smarter than me, if you know I wouldn’t do something like that then what does it mean?” Seriously, why can’t he just tell me? Because it’s a test and I don’t think it’s one I want to fail.

“Someone did it off their own back, you never ordered it. Which means you would have made sure the one who did it was punished for his actions,” the realisation hits me like a bucket of ice cold water, I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.

“That’s right, removed from the let’s say ‘club.’ Tattoo stripped from his skin and he had the same beating that he gave to the lad, only it was given to him by me. I think we both know in comparison, Amias got the better end of the stick,” he isn’t wrong there, Devon has been known to lose control and has been stopped short of killing the people he taught a lesson to. I don’t think this guy will heal the same way Amias did.

I wonder how the tattoo was removed or as he said “stripped.”

I FOLLOW HIM DOWN, listening to the guys talking in the kitchen and I can tell there’s a new voice in the mix. Only, it isn’t new to me. Why can’t I place it? I can recall everything I see, but I forget who a voice belongs to, how does that work?

I walk through the door, to see the back of a guy. My two stop talking to look at me and he chooses that moment to turn in his seat and I can’t stop my hand from flying to my mouth. I always wondered what happened to him, I just never thought to question anyone about it. I’ve been wrapped up in my own shit, I won’t pretend otherwise. I can’t believe he’s here, that he’s okay.

“Sawyer right?” I say, it’s coming out quieter than I intended and I don’t even bother pulling out a chair as I sink into Noah’s lap and Harrison comes to crouch beside me. Laying his hand on my knee, I love how there’s no jealousy between the two or if there is, they don’t let it affect us.

“That’s right little lady, but before Devon sticks his big oar in,” he says with a massive smile that lights his eyes up and I can’t help but draw in a breath. I don’t miss the way Harrison squeezes my thigh a little tighter or the way his jaw is ticking, but it isn’t like that.

When I first saw Sawyer up close all I could think was how... ordinary he was. He didn’t stand out and could slip into a crowd without ever being noticed. He followed me without making anyone suspicious, other than me, but to be fair I was on high alert. However, looking at him now shows me how wrong I was. Because when this guy smiles, the whole room seems to get a little brighter and feel a little warmer. He’s built more like Noah, his muscles are more defined and he isn’t as bulky as everyone else seems to be. He’s tall but I remember that we were closer in height than I am to any of my guys. I just can’t get over his smile, that one action changes him from invisible to someone that you would never forget seeing.

“I wanted to say thank you, you made sure I got to the hospital, and you stayed with me until I told you to go. It was foolish but I appreciate it, I’ll admit that it was nice to know I wasn’t alone during those moments,” I can feel a warmth spreading through me and it feels… good. His words are humbling and I can’t understand how he got involved with the Black Hearts. I also better remember that I’m not supposed to know anything about that.

“Okay enough, Sawyer will be looking after you and this time he won’t be stupid enough to get himself poisoned,” Devon says, and I choke on my shocked laugh. Bloody hell Devy, have a little tact will you.

“It wasn't like he planned it,” I reply and I don’t know why I am jumping to a stranger’s defence.

“It’s fine little lady, I get it. I won’t get poisoned again and I will keep your girl safe,” he says with a smirk before walking out of the room and it isn’t long before the front door opens and closes and Devon is shaking his head before he follows after him.

“That’s a weird dynamic, how do you think he chooses his gang members?” Harrison asks, and I don’t know why but his choice of words has me bristling. It’s a club not a gang, although I guess there isn’t much of a difference where Devy is concerned.

“I doubt it's as simple as that and it may not make sense to us, but I’m sure it does to them,” I reply before I climb out of Noah’s lap and make my way upstairs.

Devon is staying for a little while and I’m planning on making the most of it, I’ve also decided I’m going to see if I can find a way to play again. But it won’t be for Roxie or the guys, it will be for me.

“REALLY, all the places we could visit together and you’re dragging me to a beach,” there is nothing but disdain coming from Devon, as he drops his aviators over his eyes, despite the fact it isn’t even that sunny out.

“I remember you taking us all to the beach for my seventh birthday, it was the last celebration we had together before everything was taken away,” I reply quietly, the weight behind my words weighing us both down under the pain that, although it ebbs slightly, never goes away.

“That was a fun day, no parents, rules or jobs. Just us having fun together, I should have tried to make

it like that all the time and not just on special occasions,” I grab his hand to stop him walking, he shouldn’t be shouldering the responsibility and guilt alone. It isn’t even his to hold, not really.