Michelle
I wiggled my foot as I sat on a doctor’s bed, waiting for my test results. Nick had been adamant about coming with me, but I didn’t want him back in the room with me while I got checked out. My leg shook and my heart raced in my chest. There was still a chance those tests were wrong. False positives happened all the time. I read about them on the internet. And my periods were always irregular. There was still a chance all of this was circumstantial and that I hadn’t screwed up my life the way I thought I had.
“Well, Miss Danforth, I believe a congratulations is in order.”
The doctor came in all smiles as my stomach plummeted to my toes.
“So I am pregnant,” I said.
“You are,” the doctor said. “Judging by your HCG levels, you’re somewhere between two and three months along.”
And that only made things worse.
“Is there any way to get a more accurate date of conception?” I asked. “Maybe narrow that window down to two weeks? Or possible one?”
“Establishing an ironclad conception date isn’t easy, Miss Danforth. Especially since you aren’t far along in your pregnancy at all. If you’re asking for a test to determine paternity, it’s best to wait until the child is born and do a simple blood test. Anything determining paternity at this point is invasive, and you risk harming the fetus.”
“What?” I asked.
“A paternity test while pregnant requires a hairpin needle to be inserted through your abdomen and into the—”
I held up my hand and signaled the doctor to stop talking. The mere idea of a needle going straight into anywhere was enough to turn me off to the idea. Not only did it make me sick to my stomach and weak in my knees, the idea of putting my child at any risk for anything wasn’t good enough. If I was going to start being a good mother, it meant making decisions that were best for my child.
Even though they weren’t the best for me.
Embarrassment and shame filled the pit of my gut. Of course, I’d find myself in this position. Sleeping with two different men within a month of one another, and now I didn’t know whose child I was carrying. Yes, Andy and I used protection. But condoms broke all the time. I had obviously gotten pregnant while being on the pill for the past five years. There was nothing in my mind that wasn’t possible any longer.
“A paternity test now is expensive, Miss Danforth. A paternity test after the baby is born is close to nothing,” the doctor said.
“It won’t be necessary,” I said.
I refused to put my unborn child at risk. Regardless of who the father was, I would love my child and nurture him or her the best way I saw fit. Paternity wasn’t that important anyway if I was going to be raising this child on my own. Andy sure as hell would never come after me. He only wanted me when other men wanted me as well. And Gray?
Screw him.
“How does everything else look?” I asked. “I have been experiencing worse and worse bouts of nausea.”
“Which is normal until you flip into your second trimester. And some women carry their nausea all the way through. What we don’t want is your nausea impeding on your ability to hold down food and water. And if the vomiting because severe enough where it erodes the esophagus and you begin bleeding, that requires a hospital’s intervention. But don’t worry, nothing like that is happening to you right now.”
The doctor placed his hand on top of my trembling one and I tried to offer him a smile.
“There are a lot of resources to help women like yourself in your situation, Miss Danforth. I don’t want to be rude or overstep, but I’ve put some documentation in this bag for you to take. Information, things for you to fill out and turn in. North Dakota takes single motherhood seriously. Use the resources at your disposal.”
“Thank you, doctor. I appreciate it.”
“There’s a copy of your test results in there as well as a three-month supply of prenatal vitamins. Come back and see me once they run out. We’ll get you some more, and at that point we can do an ultrasound test to check for the gender of your child and any abnormalities that might be forming.”
“Abnormalities?” I asked.
“Nothing is wrong right now. You’re not deficient on any vitamins, your hCG levels are up, and your symptoms are all typical. You’re fine, and this child is fine. Everything we do from here on out is precautionary.”
“Okay,” I said. “I really appreciate your help.”
“In that bag is a list of items you need to start cutting out of your diet. Things like caffeine, green tea, some types of fish. Put it up somewhere or stick it in your purse. It’ll help keep you and your growing child safe throughout your pregnancy.”
“I will. I promise.”
“Do you have a ride home?” the doctor asked.