Fix Me

“I’ve been a bit of a beach bum. And now, a poolside bum.”

“Where’s your bodyguard?”

“Luke?”

“Do you have another one I didn’t know about? Is he hot, too?”

“Like I would know,” I scoffed.

“So, is there another one?”

“No, just Luke. He’s moving in.”

I heard her gasp. “What? What the hell did I miss? A girl goes away for a week and suddenly you’ve got a live-in boyfriend.”

“He’s not living in here. He’s moving into the cottage on the edge of the property. My dad wants him nearby in case he has to leave for work or something like that.”

“Does that mean you’re going to be sneaking out and getting a little midnight delight?”

I scoffed. “First of all, I would probably end up next door or in the pool if I tried to sneak out by myself. Secondly, we’re not seeing each other anymore.”

“What? That has to be the shortest romance ever!”

“No shit,” I mumbled. “He dumped me.”

“What are you talking about? He was so into you.”

“Apparently not. We met an old friend of his at the hospital and he suddenly decided we should keep things professional.”

“I can tell by the way you are talking that the old friend is a woman,” she said.

“Yes, she is. The old friend is some famous doctor. She wants to try out a new surgery that isn’t even done in the United States, but she’s done it in India or London or something. She wants to cut into my eyes and he thinks I should I let her. I feel like his view is jaded by whatever past he has with her.”

“How do you know he has a past?”

“I could tell by the way his voice changed. And hers. She was very excited to see him. I felt like I was intruding on their conversation. About me.”

“Uh-oh, someone’s little green monster is alive and well,” she said with a laugh.

Somehow, I didn’t feel like laughing. “He dumped me a week after he met her. She’s a doctor. I know she’s beautiful. I could hear it in her voice.”

“You can’t tell someone is beautiful by their voice,” she retorted.

“I can. She’s a beautiful doctor. I can’t compete with that.”

“Why would you compete with that?” she asked.

I sighed. “You know what I mean. She has everything. I’m blind helpless. I have nothing to offer. I can’t even do things with him unless he helps me. He’ll always be babysitting me. I can do sex. That’s it. I can go swimming in my pool, but I can’t go to the beach with him. I can’t go shopping with him. I can’t go sight-seeing. I feel like a half a woman. I can’t blame him for going for the beautiful doctor.”

Her hand touched mine. “You are beautiful and I can assure you, you are whole. You have a lot to offer.”

“Oh, come on. I’m a burden and you know it. My father had to hire him to take care of me because I need taking care of. I feel like a little kid. I can’t do anything for myself.”

“Stop it this minute,” she said firmly. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you feeling sorry for yourself. We’ve already talked about this several times. You are not to be pitied. Plenty of people with visual impairments live full and vibrant lives. When you want to quit being a burden, you’ll get up and take charge of your life. This is all on you. You can feel as useful as you want or as burdensome as you want. You have a strong support team willing to help you get on your feet, but you have to choose to do it.”

“He thinks I should get the surgery,” I complained. “What if he’s only telling me to do it because she wants to try it. I’m not a guinea pig.”

“What if he wants you to get the surgery because he wants you to have your life back?”