I hang up, with my eyes on the floor, and my heart racing. I thought that I might have fucked up my job before, with the snappy comments about the toilet, but this is worse. I can’t even stand to look at him. I’m terrified, and the worst thing is, there isn’t even a way I can talk myself out of this.
“I will just… go back inside…”
“I think we might need to talk, don’t you?” he asks in a firm tone.
“I… yes I suppose so.” Shit, I’m screwed. This is a fucking nightmare.
“That was an interesting conversation, wasn’t it?”
“I was just talking to my sister, talking about…” No, I can’t play this off. I don’t have a chance.
“A personal call? During work hours?”
“I’m on my lunch break. I wasn’t during work hours, I would never…”
“The toilets look good,” he interrupts me. “You did a great job there, despite the fact that it wasn’t in your job description. Maybe it’s time to rethink your job description.”
I slump even further forwards, stumbling into a deep sadness. This has to be it, the moment he tells me that I’m being written out of my job because I can’t seem to help being rude, which is a bit of an issue.
“I’m sorry, Isaac. I know that I keep saying that today, and I keep fucking up…”
“It seems like I’m the one who’s fucking up, if you don’t want to have sex with me.”
My eyes automatically snap up towards him. What the hell is that about? “Erm, I don’t…”
“I assumed that you would be all for it. Since I thought that we had a genuine spark between us. Definitely more than what you felt for that boring guy you were out with the night we met.”
A strange burst of laughter flies out of my mouth. I just wasn’t expecting that at all. “I guess so.”
“So, I’m going to have to change things up a bit, make you want me.”
“I… what?” I don’t know how he wants me to respond.
Isaac leans in closer, getting right up in my personal space. My body immediately freezes, refusing to move away from him. It’s terrifying here, he’s stirring all kinds of weird emotions inside of me, but I’m stuck.
“I might need to start cashing in on those sexual favors soon.”
My breaths become shallow and sharp, I don’t know what I’m doing. My head spins like crazy. In a way, since it’s been a while and nothing has happened, I kind of assumed that it wasn’t going to. I thought that it was just a teasing joke that he made at the interview. But now it feels real once more.
Then, with a flirty look, Isaac turns, and he leaves me alone with my cell phone still gripped between my fingers. I don’t know what happened then but I’m all over the place, raw, exposed, and a mess. I don’t know what is going on inside his head. Does he actually want me, or is this still just a part of the game?
It isn’t fair for him to play the game without me. I don’t even know what role I’m supposed to be acting out here. I’m just plonked in the middle of the board without a dice, or any rules. Is this how Isaac plays all women? No wonder his last PA left, if this is what he did to her. I probably should have asked. That was naïve of me not to. Now I’ve marooned myself in the middle of the ocean with no paddle.
“What the fuck?” I breathe out, my head in the clouds. “How the hell can I survive this day now?”
But I need to. He’s given me a third chance and I can’t fuck up again. I really don’t know how many more lives I have. I need to shake this off, get myself back into the place where I can focus. Whether it be proper jobs or more cleaning, I will just keep my head down and do it. However little I like it, I will tackle it. Remember my inner strength, who I am, and why I’m doing this. Stop the shaking, breathe deep, and do the best I can.
“It’s for Jane,” I remind myself, just like I always do when this gets hard. “Don’t forget, this is for Jane.”
Chapter Ten
Isaac
Monday mornings are always pretty shit. That’s why I don’t usually bother with them. I’m usually still hungover and sleeping it off, or even still partying and having the time of my life… but today I couldn’t resist coming in. Nothing has happened between us, but Lexi actually has me wanting to be here.
I don’t know what the fuck has changed with me. It’s crazy, I’m absolutely insane.
The work makes me want to leave. I don’t want to be here anymore, but Charlie has given me a cryptic message that I need to be here and I’m pretty sure that I know why. The big man is making an appearance which isn’t great.