“Right, now I need to go back to the table,” I mutter quietly to myself while smoothing my dress down. “Play at it for a few more minutes. Then I can go home and see Luci.”
I let out a little giggle, only partly forced. It’ll be good to joke about this, it will. I will feel much better… I can’t feel any worse than I do right now anyway so that’s something.
I press the door, just about to push it open, but two female voices burst in. I don’t know why but it stops me. Or maybe I’m just looking for an excuse not to go back out there. Truth be told I’m so gutted. I thought I’d cracked it with the whole profile thing, I thought I knew what sort of man I was going out with, but I had no clue.
This is going to be harder than I thought. I need a moment to get over that.
“…yeah, I’m telling you, he’s here!” the girl outside cries. She sounds younger, like a teenager. “He was seen in the supermarket. There are even pictures of him. Look.”
“There is no way that’s Jace Fairs,” her friend shoots back, causing my heart to stop a beat. Am I really imagining things? Going mad because the date is going so badly, imagining things about my ex. “You can’t even see him really. And what would the lead singer from The Puppeteers be doing here?”
“He’s from here, do you know nothing? And he’s back.”
“Why? Why the hell would he be back?”
“Who the hell knows? The tour has just finished. Maybe he’s visiting family.”
They giggle girlishly, thinking that they can claim a piece of Jace. And I suppose in a way they do. He’s famous. Everyone holds a bit of him, but not like me. I really do… or I did. Before he cheated on me.
“I’m going to find him while he’s here. I’m going to see if I can become one of his girls.”
“He’ll never go for you!” the other one screams. “You’re too young.”
“Hey, I’m nineteen. Old enough, thank you very much.”
My heart twists. I was nineteen when I was with Jace, nineteen with the idealism that comes with youth and the thought that everything was going to turn out wonderfully. Now these idiot girls feel the same way. I want to burst out of the door and to tell them that the world isn’t what they think, that Jace isn’t who they want him to be, that they should focus on their jobs instead because their careers will never let them down.
But I don’t. Mostly because I’m so sad. I’m overwhelmed by waves of heartache. The thought of Jace being anywhere near me is horrifying. Seeing him on TV is bad enough but, in the flesh, will kill me. I’ve been lucky, I suppose. I know that his mom still lives here. I almost ran in to her the other day but I managed to duck my head and run away before I got stuck in an awkward conversation with her, but he hasn’t been back as far as I know. I’ve managed to escape him in that way.
But maybe not anymore. He might be here now and I may have to see him. Fuck, as if my night wasn’t bad enough. I want to scream with frustration, this is so annoying!
The girls exit. I hear their voices get quieter and quieter which leaves me by myself with no more excuses. I just need to get out there and to face it so I can go home. See Luci. I just need to move. I don’t know why I can’t, why I’m stuck here in this toilet cubical frozen in fear.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
“Shit.” I hit the answer button quickly. “Hey, Luci, sorry I’m still in the bathroom.”
“What the hell are you still doing in there? He’s going to think that you have a dodgy tummy. Actually, that could work in your favor. Maybe that could be a good reason why you need to leave all of a sudden.”
My heart stops beating, is that really what he’s going to think? Oh, why do I care? It doesn’t matter, does it? Who cares what he thinks? I’m never going to see him again anyway.
“Some girls were in here,” I say thickly. “I couldn’t get out of the cubical.”
I should just tell her. I should let her know what I overheard, Luci will know what to do with that information. Yet, for some reason, I don’t. The words remain stuck in my throat, almost as if I don’t want her to know. Or perhaps I’m just not ready to tell her right now. While I’m here in this cubicle. I’ll tell her later.
“Right okay, well… do you want me to call again or are you going to go with the tummy issues?”
“I… don’t worry about calling me. Just meet me at mine in a bit.”
I haven’t got a clue how I’m going to get out of here, but I’ll work it out somehow. I’ll figure out something to tell him and then I’ll turn my back on him and never see him again. It’s been one hell of an experience but I’m done now. It’s never to be repeated. Even less so now that I know he is here.
Jace never fought for me, I remind myself, focusing on the wrong thing. He didn’t fight he just let me go. He cheated on me and let me go. It’s time for me to let go too.
I push the door open, my eyes wide and determined, and I stomp back into the restaurant knowing that I’m going to end this right now…
“Oh!” The table is empty. Max has gone. He’s paid the bill and left the moment I was in the bathroom, like I’m the one who’s dreadful to be around. I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to feel about that one. Not good, that’s for sure.
I dart my eyes around to see if anyone is staring at me. It feels like they are but I can’t see anyone. Still a heat flames inside of me and I run. Luci is going to have to be a miracle worker if she’s going to make me feel better after this.