“I don’t know. She does seem very strung out at the moment, but I think it’s just stress.”
“Stress? What does she have to be stressed about? It isn’t the stalking, is it?”
“No, I don’t think so. She isn’t worried that he’ll come for her. The restraining order will keep him in check.”
I want to ask her about Lucas as well, but the words get stuck in my throat. I don’t know if I want to know about him. Well, I do, but I don’t at the same time. It’ll destroy me to find out my worst fears are true.
“Right, I see. So what does she have to be stressed about?”
Millie shuffles uncomfortably in her chair, struggling under my intrusive gaze. “I don’t know, really. That was just a guess. I just don’t know what’s going on with her . . .”
I take a giant swig of my drink, the black cloud of anger settling even more over me. This should be a good night, a positive one for all of us to get to know one another better. I shouldn’t be in this mess.
“Don’t worry about it, mate.” Josh nudges me playfully in the side. “Women.”
“Women? Is that your help? Is that your answer? Thanks for that insightful advice.”
“Oh, come on. You know what I mean. Women are different than men. They think differently, they act differently, their minds are like a fucking minefield. Don’t start trying to understand Jodi, just enjoy her.”
I sneer, unimpressed by his words. “Don’t say that, Josh. Don’t be a dick.”
“What?” He tosses his hands up in the air, shocked. “What are you talking about?”
“I actually have a real issue here, Josh. I’m actually concerned about Jodi. I don’t need your bullshit remarks. What I want is some way to make things alright again.”
Before either of them can say anything else to me, I leap up from my seat and leave, hunting for Jodi. I’m not going to get anything useful from them, so I suppose the best thing I can do is try and speak with her alone. It isn’t exactly how I imagined this night to go when I suggested it.
I twist and turn through the endless gambling machines in my casino, searching for the familiar shock of ashy blonde hair. There are hundreds of people in the matrix of flashing lights, but none of them are her. Usually, when I wander through the casino, I try to speak to the patrons a bit to make them feel welcome here, but I have another mission on my mind today. My vision is actually blurred with worry.
Maybe she’s in the bathroom. I head in that direction. Maybe she’s telling the truth.
I push the door open a crack and am immediately blown away by the strange tone to her voice.
“Lucas, I can’t meet you now. Don’t be like that. I’m busy . . . yes, with him.”
I haven’t ever heard her sound like that. She’s desperate, needy, almost as if this is her real lover and she wants to be with him, but she’s stuck with me. My breath balls up in my throat. I can’t cope with this.
“I can’t get away. No, I really can’t . . . No, don’t do that. Don’t come in here. No . . . Okay, I’ll come.”
I flatten back against the wall, panting as the jealousy damn near explodes. This is too much. It’s unbearable. I’m being made a mockery of here. I can’t believe Josh was right.
The bathroom door swings open, and she stomps out, so busy still looking at her phone screen that she doesn’t see me. She heads off in a direction that isn’t the table, which means she isn’t coming back to sit with me. But I already knew that. She was talking to her lover, arranging to meet him outside. Of course that’s where she’s going. I just don’t know why that rational thought won’t go into my brain.
It must be because I need to see it. I can’t fully believe it until I do.
Without giving myself time to think otherwise, I step forward and follow Jodi, hiding in the shadows as much as I can so she doesn’t see me. I don’t need to bother. She isn’t looking out for me.
She walks rapidly toward the front door and bursts through it, heading to fucking Lucas. She’s supposed to be with me tonight, hanging out with our friends and having a good time together. She shouldn’t be meeting up with some lover and shying away from what I’ve organized. Rage explodes. I can barely stand it.
This is what you get for moving too quickly, I tell myself angrily. I’m being burned all over again.
She doesn’t stop right outside but heads toward a nearby alleyway with me hot on her tail. So confident that she’s covered all her tracks, she doesn’t even look to see if she’s being followed. That irritates me even more. It’s fucking bullshit, that’s what it is. It makes me madder than anything else.
Finally, she stops by another shadow, and I’m forced to stay where I am. I’m not close enough to hear anything, but I don’t know if I need to. I just have to see them kissing, and I’ll know for sure. I’ll know then that everything I thought was real, wasn’t, and that I’ve allowed myself to get carried away. My mother will be so disappointed, and Josh will be right. That’s just fucking marvelous.
This time, my head isn’t spinning for good reasons. This time, Jodi has me all tied up in knots for everything bad. I don’t like this raw, vulnerable sensation one bit.
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