I stop the treadmill dead and spin around, expecting to see a woman wrapped around him, kissing him. The way that Kayleigh said that made me feel the same way as I did when Wesley cheated on me. I guess that’s the conclusion that I will always come to straight away.
But the sight I’m actually faced with is something else. A younger woman with a child bundled up into her arms, talking to him furiously with panic in her eyes. It’s so strange, I don’t understand what’s going on.
“Who is that?” Kayleigh asks again. “And why does that child look so much like Noah.”
“Fucking hell.” I swallow down the thick ball of emotion that lodges in my throat. “I don’t know.”
“Does he have a kid?”
“No, he hasn’t said anything to me about any child…”
But as I watch the scene unfold in front of me, a horrifying realization strikes me. I have been very open and honest with him, I’ve told him everything about me, including the uglier parts of my life, but he hasn’t told me anything about him. I don’t know much about his life aside from his work, I’m unsure of his past romantic history, and I don’t know anything about his life at all… he’s let me share and not shared with me.
I sure as shit don’t know anything about some child.
“I need to go and find out. I’m going to… get closer. Just… wait here a moment.”
Kayleigh remains frozen where she is while I take some tentative steps closer. Now the man I thought that I was falling for has become a stranger and I don’t know him at all. Any warm comfort I felt around him has long gone. He leaves me cold and confused. He’s too involved in the woman in front of him to see me which I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.
“I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to…” I hear the woman pleading. “But my mom is in hospital and I can’t just… I can’t leave her and I can’t take Alex with me. I don’t know what else to do…”
“No, it’s okay, I understand. Family comes before work. I will sort something out.”
“I know you’re at work and I don’t want to get in the way…”
“Jenny, it’s fine, he’s my son…”
His son. The air is knocked completely from me. It isn’t that he has a child, that wouldn’t put me off him at all. It’s that he kept him from me, he lied. There have been so many times when he could have shared that information with me, so many times he could have let me. I have been so vulnerable with him and he hasn’t shared the same with me. That has to be for a reason, he doesn’t like me enough or respect me.
This is basically proof that I’m an idiot. He doesn’t want me. Not really.
My whole body encases in ice, every single inch of me freezes. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Panic boils and curls in my stomach, threatening to burst free at any given moment.
“I’m so sorry, Noah. I’ll let you know as soon as I know.”
“Don’t you rush. I can call another staff member in to cover me, it will be fine.”
“Are you sure?” her voice shakes with worry. Through everything, I feel bad for her. I know that feeling.
“I’m sure. You go… take care of your mom…”
“Thank you, Noah, you have no idea what this means to me. You’re such a good boss.”
Boss… she must be his nanny. I can’t work out what that means.
As the woman named Jenny runs from the room, Noah bends down to talk to his little boy. There’s such a sweet intensity to his face that almost makes my heart melt. It’s nice to see him as a father, I like to see this softer side to him, but it’s just another stark reminder that he’s lied.
I told him about Mom, I told him about Wesley, and he kept me out. There’s a reason for that.
“Scuse,” a rough sounding voice comes from behind me. But it’s all hollow and I pay no real attention. “Miss, scuse.” When I pay no attention again, I feel a slamming sensation into my back which sends me flying forwards.
“Oof,” I cry out, the wind knowing from my body. I stumble but just about manage to stop myself from falling.
“I did ask you to go...”
But I’m still paying no attention to the person who banged into me, because Noah has heard the commotion and his eyes are now on me. They widen, I can see the sickly shock running through him, which only confirms that this is something he doesn’t want me to know.
“I…” he starts, but I can’t hear any explanation from him. Not in front of his kid, maybe not even ever, so I turn and I run towards the door. I leave all my stuff behind in my hurry to get away. It’s lucky really that Noah has his child with him because he can’t chase after me. I need some time to process this.