“Oh right. I don’t know if I need anything really. I’m sure I might be getting a bit better.”
“Well, there’s more to it than that.” He sits back down and takes my hands. The way he looks at me sends a shiver of self consciousness shooting up and down my spine. “Mom brought a pregnancy test too.”
“What?” I’m totally shocked. “Why the hell would she think that?”
“Trust me, that was my immediate reaction, but then I remembered that we haven’t exactly always been…”
“Careful.” Ice cold realization strikes me. “No, I suppose not.” I might well be late as well, not that I’m going to say that aloud because I don’t really want to add fuel to the fire. “Why don’t you look freaked out?”
“I’m not frisked out,” he chuckles. “I don’t think it will be a bad thing.”
I gasp a few times, gripping on to my stomach… the tummy that might well contain a baby. It’s a bit fast, isn’t it? We shouldn’t be worrying about having a baby now, should we? This is crazy. But as I look into Noah’s eyes I can see that he’s totally come to terms with the idea and that he might actually like it.
Fucking hell, he wants to have a baby, and he wants to have one with me.
I know that things have been going really well between us, it’s obvious we’re going to go the distance but I’m totally scared by it all. I’m doing well with Alex, but adding in another child? This is scary.
“Don’t panic, you look like you’re really freaked out. I’m here with you, I’s going to be fine.”
“I don’t know… I suppose I am a bit.” My breaths are ragged and desperate. “How can I not be?”
“Remember, you ran a marathon.” His reassurance doesn’t work. “You can do anything.”
I leap out of the bed and grab the box from him, needing to know for sure now. The idea is in my brain and I’m utterly desperate to either confirm or deny it before I get too lost in my thoughts. I slam the bathroom door behind me and tug the contents from the box, spilling it everywhere.
“Fucking hell.” I scrabble around and gather it back up again. “Fuck.”
“Are you okay in there?” Noah sounds too happy for my liking. I need him freaking out with me.
“Yep. Fine.” My tone sounds forced even to me. “I will be out in a moment.”
I scan my eyes over the paper, reading the general gist of the instructions, before tossing it to one side. Everyone knows what to do, pee on the stick. It isn’t exactly hard, is it? Just one little pee that will change my life forever. Maybe. I shake my head and sit down, knowing that I need to just get it over with.
My heart hammers against my rib cage while I pee. I’m scared that I might start puking again while I do. I slide my eyes closed and try my hardest to cool the hot anxiety racing through me, but it barely makes a difference.
“Can I come in?” Noah asks. “I don’t want you to go through this alone.”
“Hold on a moment.” I sort myself out, flush the toilet, and clip the lid back on the test. I stare at my manic wide eyed reflection in the mirror, before I call him back in. Noah has seen me at my worst already, I’m sure he won’t mind now. Since I might be able to be the mother of his child… “Okay, come in.”
He clicks open the door and steps inside, looking a little sheepish as he does. He sees the test clutched tightly between my fingers and the color drains from his face which makes me feel a little better. He’s finally joining me. I slump down onto the floor and he joins me while we both stare at the test, waiting…
“This is nerve wracking, isn’t it?” He slides his fingers through mine. “A long scary minute.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s huge. I didn’t expect to be here when I woke up a moment ago.”
“I know. Me neither. Mom really landed it on me but she’s wise. She might well be right.”
“And…” I bite down on my bottom lip. “How will you feel if it is positive? That’s probably something that we should discuss before we get the result.”
“I’m going to tell you, Mia, I am very excited. I would love to have a child with you.”
“You would?” God, I can tell that he’s serious. “That’s… incredible.”
“How do you feel?” he asks me, curiosity flooding his face.
“I feel… well, I’m shocked at the moment, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”
An image comes to mind, one of me, him, Alex, and the new baby as a real family. I never saw myself as someone maternal, but since Alex has come into my life I’ve opened up more. it wouldn’t be the worst.