“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It just feels so good to look at Jordan and feel nothing. I mean it did not bother me one bit to see him walk off with that redhead. It was like I was watching someone I didn't even know.”
“And I am so glad.” She smiled. “That should tell you something about your real feelings toward him. I just want you to be careful. We’ve all heard about the rebound. I know you care about Jason, but when we get out of serious relationships, we can be blind to the things we normally wouldn’t be blind to. I’m not saying Jason is a bad guy. I’m just saying it's very complicated, and you need to take your time going into it. You might find out a lot of people are hurt by this relationship.”
“I understand,” I said, really taking what she said to heart.
“Good,” she said. “Now, eat your eggs and relax. We had one hell of a night last night. It was fun, but I feel like I was hit by a truck.”
“Me, too,” I said, biting into a strip of bacon. “At least you didn’t go home with that creepy guy at the bar last night.”
“Oh, my God.” She laughed. “Mr. Plaid-Shirt-and-Matching-Socks? My drunk goggles were on high alert last night. I am positive I would have come out of his apartment this morning as a brand new lampshade. That dude was crazy weird. I wouldn’t have cared if you lived in New Jersey, I was determined to get to your house and not to his.”
“I do have to say he was persistent.” I laughed.
“Yeah,” she scoffed. “Looking for his next victim to show his comic book figurine collection to.”
“You could have been the next cosplay girl at the Star Trek convention,” I replied.
“God, could you imagine me in that scenario?” She laughed loudly. “I would totally have been wasted, stumbling across the stage in purple body makeup and fake ears.”
“It would have been amazing.” I giggled.
“Ahh, yes, so much for lost chances,” she said sarcastically.
We talked at length about the evening, the crazy dude at the bar, and the kiss that she apparently didn’t miss, even though she had been completely wasted. We touched a little more on Jason before we both made our way back to the beds in my room and the spare room and collapsed. She fell asleep almost instantly, but I laid there awake thinking about Jason and what Mona had said to me. I knew she was right, but it was so hard to admit since it felt so good to have him wrapped up in my life. At first, I’d thought it was just the familiarity of the family, having him around just like I did when I’d been married to Jordan. As things progressed, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew it was more than that, and life seemed totally different when he and I were with each other. When we were alone, I didn’t even think of him as a Banks. I thought of him as Jason, the incredibly sweet man who I couldn’t keep my hands off of. After the initial attraction had been satiated with hot sex, then had come the rush of emotions I hadn’t expected at all. I hadn’t even imagined I could fall for him in any way, shape, or form.
I turned over and looked at my phone as it began to ring, smiling at Jason’s number popping up on the screen. I cleared my throat and pressed the button, excited to hear from him. I tried to keep Mona’s words present in my mind as I answered.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, obviously wide awake.
“Hey there,” I said sleepily.
“I won’t keep you long,” he said. “I know you guys are probably hung over, but I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner at my parent's house tomorrow evening.”
“Oh,” I said, Mona’s words echoing through my head. “I think that may be too much too soon.”
“Okay,” he said with hesitation. “No problem. I’ll talk to you later.”
“All right,” I replied, getting the impression he might be upset with me turning him down.
We got off the phone, and I laid there, thinking about my choice. I tried texting him a couple of times, feeling bad about possibly hurting his feelings, but he didn’t answer me back. As soon as Mona had gotten up, I raced out to talk to her. She listened carefully as I explained what happened, telling her I thought she was right about everything, and I was trying to take it slowly. She smiled at me and rubbed my back, trying to make me feel better.
“All I have to say, sweetie, like I said before, is you just need to be careful,” she whispered.
She was right. I had gotten so wrapped up in the romance of it all that I couldn’t help but want to jump headfirst into everything. I needed to slow down and take my time, even if it affected us. Still, knowing that I had possibly hurt his feelings left me feeling slightly off. Being careful was proving to be much harder than it seemed.
Chapter 15
Jason
It was Monday, and I was sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen. Work was the last place I wanted to be that day, but I really didn’t have any choice. I needed to be functioning and awake, ready to take on the challenges of the day. Instead, I was sitting there thinking about Friday night, Saturday morning, and Tiffany. Everything had seemed so perfect, and after that kiss, I’d thought for sure she would be ready to come out to the family that we were together. After she told me it was all too much too soon, I had sunk down into my thoughts and hadn’t even texted her back yet. There were several times I picked up my phone and stared at the messages, knowing I didn’t want to leave her hanging, but my pride was hurt, and I couldn’t seem to gather my thoughts well enough to get the words out. I probably wrote out ten different messages over the course of two days and never sent any of them. I was hurt and worried at the same time, something that was more than a bit confusing.
I knew it was probably hurtful to her that I had bailed like that. I had worked so hard to protect her from getting hurt that I felt terrible about blowing her off, but I needed time to think about everything. I guess I had gotten ahead of myself in my thoughts with us and my family. I ended up not even going to dinner, telling everyone that I wasn’t feeling well. When Tiffany said she didn’t want to go with me, I couldn’t help feeling rejected, having tried so hard to make her feel comfortable and loved. It crossed my mind that it could have something to do with Jordan and how he’d picked up a girl at the bar that night. She hadn’t responded in any way and had even told me about her revelation about their relationship, bu
t I couldn’t help thinking maybe her lack of reaction had been my wishful thinking. I never thought I would be in a relationship with a girl where I was worried she could be thinking about my brother. I was starting to understand how tricky something like this could be. It wasn’t just about how other people viewed our relationship. It was also about how we viewed each other in the situation. As much as I didn’t want to find out she was thinking about Jordan, she probably, equally, didn’t want me to worry about it. I hadn’t really given a lot of thought about how all of this could affect us on the inside. Not everything was peaches and roses in this situation, and eventually, we would have to face that head-on.
However, even if she had denied my invitation because of Jordan, I couldn’t really be mad about it. It was really wishful thinking, hoping that I could stepped into the picture and, all of a sudden, she no longer cared that she had just been brutally dumped. I guess it was hard for me to understand how any of that felt. After all, I was coming in with a fresh viewpoint, a fresh heart, and no hard feelings toward anyone. Well, at least not the kind of feelings that would hinder me from being in a relationship with someone. The last thing I wanted to do was push her further than she was ready to go or end up the rebound guy. If she did have leftover feelings for Jordan, which was completely possible because she’d thought she was in love and had been married to the guy, even if it was only for a short time, then we would handle those feelings as we went. I had to be open to the understanding that, as much as her revelation sounded great, it may have been a combination of her wanting to move on and the excitement of our relationship just getting started. I would need to understand that part of our lives and be able to handle it without taking it personally or assuming it was in any way showing of her lack of feelings for me. It was such a tricky situation, and I also didn’t think about how I needed to put Jordan’s feelings into the mix either. After seeing his lonely face at the bar, I had felt my first real tinge of guilt. Yes, it was quickly extinguished when Tiffany walked into the room, but that didn’t take away from the fact it was there for at least a moment. He had to be feeling something, and as much as I wanted to paint him as the evil guy, I knew my brother wasn’t a complete asshole. He put up a façade to make people think he didn’t care at all, but beneath the surface, I knew there was more going on in his head than any of really understood.
I sighed and got up from my desk to grab a cup of coffee. Luckily, the office was quiet since my father had investor meetings all day and almost everyone was on call for him. I was left to man my station and get some work done. Work, however, was the last thing on my mind, and I had paced the hallways at least five times since everyone had gone to the meetings. My brother would be back soon to take a break. He hated those meetings even more than my father and would use any excuse to nab a few minutes away. As I fixed my coffee, I glanced over at Tiffany’s dark office, wondering if she would ever actually come back to work. It was going to get interesting once she did. How the hell would that dynamic actually work? I guess either we would be faking it while at work, or everyone would know and hopefully all the kinks would be worked out. Either way, I hoped she came back soon, for both personal and professional reasons. She really did keep the office on its toes, and without her here, things were lagging behind. I knew my father saw it, especially with the temp having a hard time filling her shoes and taking three times as long to get the files together. Tiffany had spoiled the company with her determination and dedication, and that would be a really hard thing to find a replacement for.