“I’m going out,” I gasp loudly to Dad. “I just need to… to head to the shops. I’ll be back soon, okay?”
“Are you okay? Have I said something to upset you?” he calls after me. “I’m sorry, Lola…”
But I close the door behind me so he can’t hear me cry. Then I move my feet rapidly, I don’t have a direction in mind, I just keep on going until I’m far, far away.
***
“Oh my God,” I mutter in sheer shock as I stumble across the place I never intended to go, but at the same time was where my footsteps have been taking me ever since I first left the house. “What the hell…?”
It’s the lake, my lake, the lake I always went to with my mother. The place I came to with Brandon on that one truly wonderful day we shared together, back when we were trapped in a bubble of happiness, when it felt like anything could happen. Even then I was aware that things would eventually come to an end, but it felt like it was so far away that I would have to ever deal with it really.
This is the lake I shared with my mom. Well, sort of. As I move my feet and I wander around the place I think it might be even better. Someone has been here making vast improvements, cleaning up the water, planting flowers, and building a small archway nearby. Instead of looking like a run down place where old memories have come to die, it looks so pretty that new memories could be created. I can even imagine weddings and other lovely parties happening here. It’s all too much.
“Ah.” A voice rings out from behind me, making me jump. “So, you’re the young lady.”
I spin to see one of the older gentlemen from the town standing behind me, looking at me like we know one another. He isn’t one of the ones who comes to my shows regularly, but I would’ve definitely seen him. “Erm, sorry?” I ask awkwardly.
He moves deliberately towards me with heavy steps. “You’re the one who captured the heart of my boss?”
“Oh.” It suddenly hits me. He must be one of the builders who worked for Brandon. How typical that I would be here completely by accident, trying to work things out, and someone connected to him would be here. “I see.”
“I knew it was a girl from the town, and someone who’s father was sick, but I guess I didn’t connect the dots.”
"You know all that?” I guess I’m shocked because I didn’t think Brandon would ever talk about me much. Especially when it seems that everything we shared has been so easy to discard. “Did Brandon tell you or do you know my dad well?”
“I know your dad well enough.” He stares over at the water. “Or I did. Back before he got sick he was the life and soul of the party. Always good fun. But yes, it was Brandon that told us all about you. He has a thing for you that boy.”
I growl angrily. “That’s not true,” I shoot back. “He didn’t care for me at all. We just… shared some time together and now he’s gone.”
“Then why did he do all of this for you?” He makes a sweeping gesture with his hand as he indicates around. “A man doesn’t do something like this unless he’s in love.”
The L word makes my chest constrict painfully. It’s something that I’ve been trying to ignore, something that I’ve been trying to push back down because I allowed myself to become so convinced that’s how I’ve been feeling.
“Yeah well, he also paid my dad’s hospital bills, but then he ran off without saying goodbye,” I reply bitterly. “Who knows why he does what he does. Maybe he just likes flashing the cash. It probably doesn’t mean anything.”
“I suppose you could be right, but I never saw him that way. I think he just got scared if I’m honest. Men don’t cave to commitment that easily, it takes them a while to decide that it’s for them.”
Maybe I would believe that if I didn’t know about Mom and Dad’s story. He knew that she was the one and he just went for it. It didn’t matter to him how hard it would be because he knew that he was in love. Again, I’m reminded that I’m not enough for Brandon and I never will be.
“Well, I’m not going to wait around for him to decide that he wants commitment. I want to just move on with my life.” As I glance around I know it’s not going to be easy with this constant reminder here, on top of everything else I have to keep me remembering, but I’m going to have to try. “It’s nice, a good job has been done and I’m sure that many people will enjoy it. But one of them won’t be me.”
“Well that is a shame.” He doesn’t sound shocked or impressed by me. Amused if anything. “Because I know that he would be good to you if you’d just give him a chance.”
“No way. I’m done,” I speak firmly. “I have too much else to worry about. I ha
ve the farm, my dad, my music… that’s all I need. Brandon and the rest of it, that can all just be gone. I’m done with it all.”
Done with love, that’s what I am. It brings along nothing but trouble. Men bring drama, and love brings broken hearts. I was doing just fine without all of that before and I can get back to that again.
“I have to go.” The man doesn’t answer me so I move anyway. Clearly he thinks our conversation is over anyway. “Goodbye.”
As I leave the lake I’m even more confused than before. Why would Brandon do something that seems so caring when he clearly doesn’t care? What the hell is the point? Maybe it is a money thing, or maybe he enjoys keeping women hanging on. Well he won’t have me. At least now there’s a strength inside of me, a determination that I won’t be caught in his trap for any longer.
I won’t cry another damn tear for Brandon Heath-Smith. It’s time for me to move on.
Chapter 16 – Brandon
One year later…