Urgh, the last thing I want to do right now is deal with an interview, not when I’m all hot, bothered, and incredibly stressed, but I suppose she’s right. This is all supposed to be about outing the past behind me and proving to myself and everyone around me that I can survive on my own.
I can and I will.
“Yeah, okay, you’re right. I need to forget about that asshole and focus on this. Let’s practice some of the typical interview questions again, I want to check the answers are still there in my mind.”
I close my eyes, trying to force his hazelnut eyes away. I don’t ever want to think of that man again, especially not if today goes wrong. Then he’ll be the man who ruined my life. Talk about an unhealthy thing to cling onto.
3
Logan
“How’s it going, Logan?” Sally from accounts says brightly to me. “Nice weather, isn’t it?”
“Hmmm,” I barely acknowledge her as I respond. My mind is somewhere else entirely, thinking of the raven haired beauty who I met on the train, the one I ruined every possible chance with because of the damn train stopping rapidly. Urgh, I can’t believe it, what a stupid mess. It actually hurts my chest. “Yeah, sun is nice.”
“I’ve now got no boyfriend, I’m about to lose my freaking job before I even get it,” Her words echo around and around in my brain, shattering through my thoughts. “Which means I won’t have my apartment too.”
“Yeah, I think me and Andrew might have a barbeque later on. Might as well enjoy the heart while it’s here.”
Sally’s voice drones around me, buzzing like a fly, darting and banging against my skull. I can hear her but it isn’t enough for me to pay any attention to her words. She’s nowhere near as captivating as her.
“I bet you have a comfortable life with a cushy job.”
I glance around at the office, my personal prison, and sigh loudly. That woman made a snap decision about me and she really has no clue. Never judge a book by it’s cover… but she’s judged me. I suppose it might have been anger, she snapped because I ruined her top just before she has a job interview but still…
“I’m sure you can afford the nice food from the supermarket and the wine that isn’t from the bargain bin.”
“Logan?” All of a sudden, I’m dragged from my thoughts by Sally once more. “How about you?”
“Oh, right, I don’t know.” I feel a heat burning in my cheeks. “I haven’t exactly got any plans.”
“You can always come along for a barbeque with us. You’re always welcome, you know that…”
I could go and socialize with people from work, I know they have a clan where they go for drinks and stuff every so often, but that isn’t going to be me. I spend enough time with these people. I don’t want work to become my life. I’m only here for a means to an end. I’m only here for that coveted world wide ticket.
“Oh, right thank you.” I grab a mug of mud like coffee. “Thank you, I’ll see. I better get to my desk.”
I turn on my heels and stalk towards my desk with my head hung low so I don’t get caught in any other conversation. I’m usually antisocial but today that’s even worse, I just want to focus on what happened on the train. There are so many things I should have said, so many things I could have done to make it better, and I didn’t. I froze and let her yell at me, safe in the knowledge that I had well and truly ruined her day.
I should ha
ve given her the money to buy a new top, I should have offered her help, I should have got off the train with her to do something. I barely even apologized. I just stood there like an idiot. Probably making her hate me even more. I’m sure she’ll only remember me as someone who wrecked her chances at a job.
I sit in my desk chair and lean on my arm, wondering how that would have gone had I asked what I wanted to. If I’d gotten there without the train pulling to a halt and I actually asked her what I wanted to. Would she have said yes? Would we have gone on a date? Would I have seen a much nicer side to her?
My mind goes one step further and I start to think about her back at my place… her breath in my ear, her hands grazing softly along my skin, her lips brushing against mine as we slowly peel one another’s clothes off…
God, it’s been far too long. I sit up straighter, my spine bolting as I realize what a fool I am. I can’t start day dreaming about some woman I don’t even know and who definitely doesn’t like me. What the hell am I up to? Just because she’s the first woman that I’ve been attracted to for ages doesn’t mean she’s the one. It just means that I’m ready to get back on the horse, that’s all. It’s time for me to open my eyes to women again…
“Logan Matthews, what the hell is wrong with you?” Ron, the office manager snaps. “Stop staring into space like you think you’re still in high school or something. I need you to actually get that report done today.”
I suck in a deep breath, trying to cool down my pulse which immediately races rapidly. There’s no point in losing my temper here, I still need this job for a little while longer. I’ll have to just suck it down.
“Sure, I’m on it,” I reply thickly as the lie spills out. “It’s almost done.”
It isn’t. it’s far from it, but he doesn’t need to know that. I flick the button on my ancient machine and wait the age it takes for the damn thing to turn on. All the while my mind is focused on the green eyes that at first admired me then flamed angrily at me. I liked both sides of her, and I’d like to see more. Maybe, if my whole spilling coffee on her didn’t completely destroy anything, then she’ll get the job and we’ll see each other again. Perhaps one day on our shared train journey we’ll laugh over what happened on the first time we met. She’ll certainly make the commute a more enjoyable experience if I get to see her face every day. Who knows, I might even start liking my life here a little bit before I go. It would be nice to want to come back too…
But for now, I have this report which needs to be done, and I have Ron breathing down my neck so I suppose that should take priority. My computer’s alive now and just about ready to connect to the Internet. Needs must…