I didn’t know what to do, but I did know that a life without Reese seemed completely unbearable.
Chapter 20
Reese
I trudged into work, knowing that not only was it Monday, the beginning of my week, but I had to deal with what had happened the day before. I knew that Leena had warned me to be prepared for the worst, but that advice went in one ear and out the other. I was not prepared at all for how Blaine reacted, and it made me feel absolutely terrible. I made him come to the shelter, thinking if he had no way out he would face the music, but obviously, no matter how good my intentions were, that was the worst way to handle the situation ever. I never meant for him to react the way he did, but it was definitely textbook panic from someone who had a phobia. The biggest thing I was struggling with was the fact that I didn’t just fail at my attempt to help him, but I also went and got myself dumped by the only guy I had ever fallen in love with.
What I should have done was sit down and talk to him, tell him the truth before just springing something like that on him. I should have given him the choice, knowing that even if he refused then, maybe over time he could inch his way into it. Instead, I went blowing through his life, making choices for him, and playing psychiatrist. If it were that easy to cure his phobia, he would have already done it.
God, I felt like such an idiot, and my heart hurt so bad. What a way to end one of my very first, truly serious relationships, by getting my heart broken by my own doing, dealing with a pissed off man by my own doing, and now, left with an extreme amount of guilt, also by my own doing.
I stood at the counter, my eyes puffy as hell from crying all night long, and stared out the window at the cars passing by on the street. I was in a self-loathing mood, and even though I knew going to see my pups would make me feel better, I didn’t feel
like I deserved to feel better. I had been such an ass. I shook my head as I heard footsteps approaching, taking a deep breath and putting on a brave face. I turned around to find Leena staring at me, a look of worry plastered on her face. She tilted her head to the side and walked forward, pulling her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I guessed my fake brave face wasn’t as convincing as I thought. Leena never hugged anyone.
“Are you okay?” she asked, brushing my hair from my face. “You look like someone ran over your hamster.”
“No,” I said, trying to fight back the tears. “I’m not okay at all.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Worse,” I said with a sigh. “My life is over.”
“Okay, let’s take the drama down like two notches,” she said sweetly as she chuckled.
“Sorry,” I said, pouting. “I ruined everything, and even though you warned me, I didn’t see it coming at all. The total destruction of my personal life blindsided me, and I was left stuttering to myself through tears and vodka.”
“Oh.” She grimaced. “It was vodka bad?”
“It was drink anything I could get my hands on bad.” I sniffled. “I would have downed malt liquor if it were my only choice.”
“Lord, Reese,” she said, guiding me over to a chair. “Tell me what happened.”
“Well, I called him after we got off the phone that night,” I said. “And I apologized for being distant and asked if he would let me cook him breakfast and take him somewhere that would explain why I disappeared. He was all about it, and so the next morning, I showed up bright and early, fixed him his favorite breakfast, and I drove him over here.”
“Okay, what happened then?”
“I told him everything,” I said, shrugging. “I told him how you and I owned this place, how I hadn’t realized that I didn’t tell him what kind of business it was until after hearing his story, and how I thought bringing him here would help him move past his fears.”
“And I’m assuming this is where it got bad,” she said, grimacing again.
“He freaked out on me, called me selfish, told me animals were just that, animals, and then,” I said, starting to cry. “And then he broke up with me and jumped out of the car when we reached his apartment.”
“Wow,” she said, leaning back. “That is bad.”
“You’re supposed to be the one with the wisdom that makes me feel better,” I said, crying. “Where is your wisdom, damnit?”
“Reese,” she said, sighing. “I don’t even know what to say about all of that. I mean, he had a point in the way he reacted, and we knew that it might happen. We just hoped it wouldn’t. Listen, if he truly feels that way about animals, and he couldn’t even handle coming in to see a puppy and to try to share your life with you, then he wasn’t the right guy for you to begin with. I know you are crushed. Trust me, I know what that feels like, but think about who has always been there. Those little fur heads in the back that are sad as hell because you haven’t shown your smiling face yet today.”
“Do you really think that? That he wasn’t the right guy for me?”
“I think that if he couldn’t get past his fear and see that you’re living your dream and that you were honestly trying to help him, then no, I don’t think he was the right guy for you,” she said. “I mean, has he tried to contact you today? Maybe he’s calmed down enough to revisit the whole breaking up thing.”
“No.” I sniffed. “He hasn’t contacted me at all. His fear of dogs is so bad, and I should have seen that from the beginning. It’s really hard for me to understand because I love them so much. Dogs, and cats for that matter, have been a source of therapy for me my entire life. I love them like I love people, probably more than that. They are loyal, sweet, kind, and they go out of their way to be close to you, especially when they sense that you are ill or sad, or any of those things.”
“That’s right,” Leena said. “Animals are what brought us the most joy. They brought us an ability to care for ourselves, and in the darkest hours, we can go to them and they never shove us away.”
“I guess I just really wanted him to see animals the way that I do,” I said, standing up and walking to the door. “I wanted him to feel the same love that they gave me every single day without fail.”