An awkward silence clings to the air. Lucie looks at me and I do her. All this reminiscing is bringing us back to the moment where I fucked up and I feel like I need to address it. If I don’t do it soon then the moment will pass and it’ll become this elephant in the room. If that happens then we might destroy our friendship from the inside out. I’m going to have to suck it up and swallow down my pride. Even if I can’t.
“You know, I am sorry,” I tell he stiffly. I sound a bit like a robot but I can’t seem to stop it. Being sincere and sounding it isn’t easy. “I didn’t mean to be a dick back then and wreck our friendship.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen in surprise. I can tell she didn’t expect me to say that. Maybe I overstepped a mark doing so. I wish I could reel the words back in but I can’t. “Well, that’s good of you, but it’s okay. It was a long time ago, we don’t have anything to worry about. It’s fine, this is a fresh start.”
She nods slowly and we continue to look at each other for a few moments longer. As we do I can feel something shift in the air. It’s almost like the atmosphere has transformed into something that might be… sexy. I know I’m not supposed to feel anything like that for her, but I can’t stop it.
Eventually, we return to normal conversation and everything flows well, but I still can’t shake off that feeling. There’s something different about the way I look at Lucie these days, I can’t deny it to myself. And not just different from how I used to look at her, but different to how I look at other girls too. I see them as conquests, just a part of the fun, but with Lucie there’s much more too her. It’s deeper.
“Okay, we’re going to have to leave now,” Lucie finally bursts out int
o laughter. “I cannot drink another cup of coffee or I’ll be up all night long. Plus, you probably have a party to get to, right?”
As she stands and she grabs her bag, I want to grab her to beg her to stay with me, but I don’t. I continue acting like as normal a person as I can manage to be. I join her and stand up too, knowing that it’s over.
“Oh yeah, you know me so well don’t you?” I tease back. “Partying all the damn time, that’s all I do.”
She laughs, not taking any offence to my remark and we make our way outside. Once the ice cool air hits my face, I stop dead and I grab onto Lucie’s arm. I turn her around to face me. Her face screws up in confusion.
“Lucie, can we do this again sometime?” I ask her very seriously. “It’s been really fun.”
“Oh yeah, sure, of course we can. I’ve had a really good time. It’s been fun to catch up and stuff.”
I breathe in deep, inhaling her citrussy scent, and as I do something shifts within me. I don’t even know what it is, but combined with the hormones from that moment we shared inside it turns into adrenaline. I find my head leaning in without me even thinking about it. My lips purse out and they begin to buzz with excitement. There’s a small voice in my brain screaming at me to not do this, that she might reject me, but I don’t stop. It’s almost as if an animal unleashes inside of me and it takes over me completely.
But then something magical happens, something so incredible I don’t know what to do with it. Lucie’s expression glazes over and she leans in too. She caves to the carnal lust and she slides in towards me. Our lips crash together and endless fireworks bust and explode within me. My entire chest heats up with lust and something else too… something else I haven’t felt before and I don’t really understand. But it feels great. I deepen the kiss, darting my tongue into her mouth to really explore her everywhere.
Oh my God, what am I doing? I ask myself as my hand hooks around the back of her neck. What is happening here? Why am I kissing Lucie? And why the hell does it feel so damn good?
6
Lucie
I kissed Kade! I think to myself for what feels like the hundredth time. I still can’t get over it.
I know it happened, there’s no denying that, but every now and again the memory hits me hard in the face, shocking me all over again. I never intended to kiss him, I certainly didn’t expect it to happen, I don’t think either of us planned for it, but maybe that makes it even better. It’s so romantic. Finally, after all these years he saw me as someone he might actually like and he went with that urge. It’s lovely, fate, perhaps.
Oh, and the kiss. The kiss was off the scale. It felt so nice that I actually got out a new diary and I filled it in. I haven’t written about my life for ages, I’ve always been too busy doing other things, and to be honest I haven’t had anything good to write either, but now I do. Kade is my muse again, like he always has been.
November 2nd
There was a look in Kade’s eye through most of the date. I kept trying to work out what it was, but I couldn’t figure it out. Not at first. But then he took me outside and he kissed me. His soft lips crashed into mine in a hard way, and he wrapped his desire around me. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this good.
While we kissed I felt a stirring, in my heart and somewhere else too. Somewhere downstairs. Then I kept thinking about what my friends said about him liking me and I wondered if we’d end up in bed together.
As I read over my diary entry, I can’t help laughing at myself. I actually did think we might end up having sex and that made me scared and excited all at once. I even planned how I would tell him that I’m a virgin. I guess I don’t want us to do anything without him knowing, but it never came to that. The guy who has the reputation for being a terrible player was the perfect gentleman. He walked me to my room and kissed me on the cheek as we said goodbye to one another. That was it, and it was sweet. Really sweet.
I think I might be falling for him. Like, even more than before because now he feels the same way about me. He has to like me too because he kissed me. It might not make any sense for him to like me, but the evidence suggests that he does. I wrap my arms around my chest and smile happily to myself.
“What are you writing?” Cindy asks me as she spots me smirking to myself like a crazy person.
“Oh, I’m just getting some research done for class,” I reply with a blush. “I just can’t wait to get it done.”
She gives me a curious look, but still I won’t reveal any more to her. I don’t want her to know about me and Kade. Even now that we’ve kissed I won’t tell my friends. I don’t want them to judge me.
“Oh right. Do you always feel this pleased with yourself when you get some work done?”
I laugh, probably a bit too loudly in an attempt to disguise what I’m really happy about. She isn’t the type to grab my diary from my hand and read it, she’s good with respecting boundaries, but I suppose I haven’t been acting like myself recently and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. If she starts worrying about me, she might think that she needs to invade my privacy. Then I’ll have to admit the truth.