“Fuck,” he said, collapsing on top of me. “That was amazing.”
I had no words. I couldn't even speak. My body was still in shock from everything that had just happened, and I laid there, motionless, trying to learn how to breathe all over again. But I had to admit, – it had been amazing. My body was still coming down from the high of having a real orgasm – it was unlike any I'd experienced before.
His cock was still in me, but I felt it growing soft and after a moment, he pulled it out. A rush of warmth covered my thighs as he removed his cock from me. Such a strange feeling, I thought. To have his cum inside of me, to have it come pouring out like that. Such a strange and new feeling.
But I loved it.
I loved everything about it.
Reese leaned down and kissed me as he flopped down beside me. He pulled me into him, resting my head on his chest so I could hear his breathing and his heartbeat. He kissed the top of my head, but neither of us said anything for a long while.
There was nothing I could say, really. I just kept thinking about what I'd said earlier. When I thought – and told him – I could do this once and move on without a second thought, had I been wrong? Had I been lying to myself? Because deep down, I so badly wanted to stay with him, to experience the magic of having him inside of me again and again, to cuddle up to his warm body afterward. I wanted it even more now that I'd had a taste – and I feared no other man would do for me.
Reese, was it. He was the one. I was sure of it.
But then I reasoned with myself that all girls probably think like that after their first time. Besides, I had medical school and he had the job in LA.
It simply wasn't meant to be. We had our moment and that moment was now over.
This one time, this one memory – it had to be enough.
“Maya, what are you doing in there? I need to use the bathroom!” Allie banged on the door.
I just sat there, staring at myself in the mirror and feeling like nothing was real. This wasn't happening to me. It couldn't be.
No, no, no, I kept saying to myself. As if repeating it would somehow make it so. I wasn't crying. I didn't feel anything. I just stared at the little stick with the blue lines and thought it had to be wrong.
But it was the third one I'd taken. The third one that said it was true. The third positive I'd had that day.
I didn't answer Allie even though she kept shouting at me through the door. There was another bathroom she could use in the house. Somewhere else. Right now, I needed to be alone. I needed to keep staring at that little stick, praying that somehow I was reading it all wrong. But my thoughts were all jumbled and I couldn't pull myself together. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding. What was I going to do?
“Maya?” Allie said. This time her voice was softer, it sounded concerned.
“Yes,” I responded, my voice cracking. “I'm still in here.”
“Are you okay? Are you sick?”
You could say that.
“I'm fine,” I lied.
“You don't sound fine,” she said.
The doorknob rattled as she tried to open it, but I'd had the foresight to lock it.
“Listen, if this is about what Lauren said about you putting on weight, just ignore her. We all know she's a bitch –”
“It's not that,” I said softly.
“Then what is it?” she asked. “Come on, I'm your best friend, aren't I? You can tell me anything, you know that.”
Allie had quickly become my closest friend, so yes, she was right. She was my best friend. But I still felt so terribly alone. I didn't want to tell a soul. The fear and the shame that were gripping me so tightly were overwhelming. I just wanted to stay in this bathroom and hide away until I woke up from what had to be a terrible, horrible dream.
But I knew I couldn't go through this alone. Because it wasn't a dream, it was reality. And I needed help to get through this. Allie was all I had – the only person I could trust.
With tears stinging my eyes, I opened the door.
Allie stepped inside, her eyes on me. She looked concerned as she noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at her and opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words, so I closed it again. As I stood there before her, my best friend, I realized I didn't know how to tell her why I was crying – so I showed her instead. I picked up the pregnancy test and held it out to her. She didn't take it, she just looked down and a moment later, her eyes grew wide as she realized what she was staring at.