‘I said want. Fantasy and reality aren’t the same thing. And I saw how you looked at her.’ And it was hard to see. Hard to realise he wanted her on a deeper level than the way he wants me.

‘Ella, please.’ His words are suddenly pained. ‘None of this can ever leave this room.’

‘I agree, because I want you Mac, more than anything. But I’ve been worried. What if we did this—took the next step—and we didn’t gel? What if things fell apart; where would that leave me? Homeless and without a job?’ And broken hearted after falling in love with him. ‘It’s a lot to ask me to risk. But now I don’t need to worry; don’t you see? I’m going to uni in a few months, and you don’t have your heart to give.’ Because it belongs to someone else. Someone who’ll never be me.

‘Well, when you put it that way,’ he says throwing his arms wide, ‘it all makes perfect sense.’

‘It does, doesn’t it?’ Unfortunately.

‘No, Ella, it doesn’t. It’s a load of bollocks, quite frankly. And the rest of it? I can barely understand what it is you’re tryin’ to say.’

‘Oh, right.’ Down to brass tacks, it is. I throw back the rest of my drink in one go, coughing slightly to alleviate the sting. ‘I’m trying to say a couple of things, I suppose. But mainly, I want you to take my virginity.’

22

Mac

‘I want you to take my virginity,’ I mumble, pacing the floor, unable to sit still. ‘But I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. What is that shite?’ I ask the empty room. ‘Who the fuck says these kinds of things?’

A virgin at twenty-three, for God’s sake. Who would’ve guessed? Certainly not me as she’d stood before me in that tiny towel as brazen as anything. And definitely not when she’d let me spank her and cover her in my cum.

She could be yours, my brain whispers. Untouched by another man.

‘Ah, fuck it all to shite!’ I yell. Then I cringe arseholery at the thought and the possibility of Louis waking. No sound comes from his room, thankfully. And no sound comes from Ella’s room, either, because she’s no longer fucking here! But Louis’s night terrors are less and less these days, and that’s because of her influence. And now she’s going to leave for good.

‘Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Not if I have anythin’ to do wi’ it.’ Because . . . because the thought of not having her in my life makes the blood in my veins freeze.

If you don’t take her, it could be him. The thought of Will working his smooth moves on her makes me feel ill. Ella’s not daft; she’ll see through the bullshit. But will she? He’s pretty accomplished. I can almost hear him now. People don’t understand; I’m just looking for love like everyone else. You’ve got to kiss a lot of toads to find your princess.

No, she wouldn’t fall for it. But the pictures my mind paints still twist my gut. I’m ready to punch someone. More specifically him. I can’t believe he’s been texting her behind my back—been the little birdy tweeting in her ear.

The bastarding shite.

‘I’m not the settling down type? That’s what he said about me?’

When she’d recounted her call with Will earlier, I could feel my blood pressure pounding in my ears, my response bordering on a yell.

‘I’m only saying what Will said, not passing judgment. There’s no need to shout.’

‘No, you’re right,’ I’d said, coming back to myself. ‘But here’s the thing. This is a case of the pot calling the kettle grimy arse, y’ken? Will’s a wolf in sheep’s fucking clothing.’ And God help me, she’s just his type.

A lamb. Gorgeous and inviting. Low on self-esteem.

‘So you’re saying you’re both as bad as each other?’ she’d asked calmly. ‘Both full of intentions so nefarious?’

‘Fuck it all to hell! Will you just listen to me?’

‘If you’re going to yell, then no. I think I’ll just go downstairs and wait for the other grimy pot.’

I’d felt like my heart would leap out of my chest and follow her. But what could I say that didn’t sound pathetic after what she’d seen? I couldn’t tell her that seeing Fin today had cleared up so much for me. That the way I’d felt about her all these years had washed away seeing them both in the same room. One woman was my past. A past filled with so many mixed emotions, and most of them misplaced. The other was my future—a future that had only just become clear to me, and there she was, walking away.

‘I won’t be late,’ she’d said, turning at the door, though not looking at me.

‘I don’t doubt it. It won’t be long before Will’s trying his luck.’ Trying to get his hand in her knickers, more like. She’d see past his intentions way before that and come home. To me. Please God.

Tags: Donna Alam Romance
Source: readsnovelonline.net