I’m just walking towards my toolbox to unlock it when I hear her voice, smooth and sweet, “Hey, Ryder, can we talk?” I guess I’ll be working late tonight instead. It’ll be worth it, though.
CHAPTER 14
LAVENDER
I’m a complete wreck from the inside out, my stomach is killing me, and the way I’m moving my fingers along my bare thigh gives it away even more.
“Sure, you wanna do this here or somewhere else?” he asks without hesitation. I guess we’re really doing this.
“The lake? That is, if you have time. I know you’re working today, so if we need to wait till tonight, well, I guess that will do, too.” The truth of the matter is, I’m scared. What if this talk does nothing but put an even bigger glacier between us? Only this one would be what sunk a ship like the Titanic.
“Let’s go.” He’s wearing his signature cotton shirt, leather cut, well-worn jeans, and motorcycle boots. He clearly didn’t shave with the way his hair is lined across his jawline.
“Thanks.”
“Never a problem, Ender, never.” His hand wraps around mine, and then he tells Jax, “Let the brothers know I’m off for a bit.”
“Right on. Lavender, been awhile.” Yep, I have a lot of reconnecting to do with my family and childhood friends.
“We’ll catch up sometime this week?” I ask him. He nods and grins mischievously. I don’t know who’s worse, Jax or Ryder, in that department. Ryder with the way he was balls to the walls on his dirt bike until he got a motorcycle. On the other hand, Jax is full of trouble and is always out to push the limits on anything and everything.
“Sounds good.”
“You okay?” Ryder asks me. We’re both quiet until we get away from prying eyes.
“I think so. It’s a lot to take in. I’m not really sure I like what the club did to my dad. Then again, I’m not too impressed with what he did either.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Yeah, it wasn’t somethin’ I wanted, but it’s the way of the club. For the record, I didn’t touch him. Wasn’t goin’ to muddle this up any more than it already is.” As if he could read my mind, knowing I’d ask about that next.
“Thank you for that. You don’t know how much I appreciate that. I guess I’d like you to tell me how the whole thing came about, clear the air, and then maybe we can go from there.” We take a seat at the edge of the water, not so close that the breeze will whip the water to our feet but enough to hear it lapping at the small beach-like shore.
“Fuck.” I watch as Ryder rubs a hand down his face, then starts with the story, “It was right when you got your acceptance letter. Your dad took me aside, which was also right after I became a prospect. It’s not like I could argue too much. Doesn’t mean it didn’t gut me that you hated me, but that was my burden to shoulder, not yours.” Ryder takes a deep breath and exhales it.
“I lost a lot of respect for your dad. To say things were hostile would be puttin’ it mildly. I did the grunt work he demanded, left you be as much as I could. That didn’t mean I wasn’t at your college every chance I got, getting’ a glimpse of you, seein’ you smilin’ and with Sailor, flourishin’ and doin’ your own thing. It was enough. At least then it was. The closer it got to the time you’d be comin’ home, the worse shit got. I was angry, pissed off at the world, and your dad knew. We had words before you got home, and he knew my intentions. He could have come clean to you and chose not to. But fuck if I didn’t screw up either when you asked to talk. I’m sorry, Ender, so fuckin’ sorry.” Ryder moves until he’s in front of me on his knees. My legs are spread, and he takes full advantage of the situation, cupping my cheeks and letting me see the depth of just how much he regrets.
“I don’t know how to come back from this. My trust in you is gone, and not just in you, but my father as well. I feel so much anger towards the club, yet I love it. It’s a piece of my heart I’ll never let go, but why he thought it was a good idea, I’ve yet to find out.” Ryder wipes the tears away from my face with his calloused thumbs.
“Not beggin’ to get that back right away. Goin’ to put in the effort, the time, the energy to let you know just how much I love you, Ender. Always have, always fuckin’ will.” Ryder might be saying the words, but I can feel them in the very depth of my soul.